Olympics are hard.
They require dedication, training and stamina.
We don't like dedication, training and stamina.
Wait, there's beer involved? Uh. OK.
If you don't already know, Boulder's Mountain Sun and Southern Sun breweries have a Denver brother named Vine Street Pub, 1700 Vine St. (maybe it's a sister, but regardless, it's a hot piece of ass).
On Saturday, Vine Street is hosting its Uptown Block Party and Second Annual Brewer's Olympics on Saturday from 1 p.m.-9 p.m.
Now these are the kind of Olympics we like. Brewers Olympics. I mean, we've been training for years, right?
But halt. We, the people, can't actually participate. But calm down, we can watch, laugh, cheer and drink beer.
A slew of breweries will compete against each other for that coveted gold medal: Mountain Sun, Breckenridge, Upslope, Wynkoop, Boulder Beer, Twisted Pine, Avery, Great Divide, Odell, Oskar Blues and Renegade -- with food provided by Vine Street.
I'm pretty sure that beer garden is the craftiest one yet. Plus, these delicious malted hops (and whatever weird stuff Colorado puts in its beer to make it delish) will be sold at $5 a pint -- there will be 35 varieties.
The breweries will face off in events that have not one thing to do with beer. Or their boss abilities to make said liquid gold.
These kids will compete in trike races, a (blindfolded) grain-stacking relay, a moving keg obstacle course and other weird shit that will garner a great street fair.
And holy bluegrass, batfolk, Keith Mosley of String Cheese Incident will perform, along with Scott Law & Friends.
Info: Saturday 1 p.m.-9 p.m.; free admission; $5 pints, with proceeds benefiting political awareness group, New Era Colorado; mountainsunpub.com; 303-388-2337.
Pop Up Picnic
Sunday is always a great day for a picnic, when you aren't out getting sloshed on mimosas, my lovely little lushes.
Grow Local Colorado, Slow Food Denver and Healthy Realities are hosting Denver's first Pop Up Picnic.
This means between 11:30 p.m. and 1 p.m., these local groups are encouraging Colorado to throw that checkered blanket down and pop up a picnic anywhere in Denver.
Well, maybe stay off private lawns.
This flash mob effort is encouraging us homies to slow life down a minute and chow down on healthy food that's neither riddled with pink slime nor bearing nutrition labels longer than a vampire book.
Send pictures or video to email@example.com with your sexy menu of freshly prepared real food (go local!), and your comrades and you might wind up in a future convention video.
Info: Sunday 11:30 p.m.-1 p.m.; Pop a picnic anywhere in Denver; facebook.com/PopUpPicnicDenver
Ahoy me hearties and ye landlubbers!
Tha' nineteenth of September 'tis International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
What does it sound like it means? Don that pirate gear, slap on that eye patch and run around all over town cursing like an dirty wench.
I know I will.