christy fantz
Christy Fantz

S mell that?

It's shit. And it isn't going anywhere until Jan. 27.

Thursday marked the start of the 107th National Western Stock Show in Denver, with a parade of poop through Denver.

Seriously. Watch your step.

If you've never attended a Stock Show, you are in for a treat. Don't you dare hide your Western flair, we can see your leather chaps under that Patagonia getup.

This show brings in more than 15,000 horses, cows, sheep, pigs, goats, llamas, alpacas, bison, yak, chickens and rabbits. Oh dear! You can watch these little critters strut their stuff during their Honey Boo Boo pageants (something like that), check out wares from hundreds of vendors, or just watch the fuzzy guys go poop all over the Denver Coliseum, 4600 Humboldt St., Denver.

The 16-day show is filled with pro rodeos, horse shows, a Mexican rodeo, backstage with a rodeo clown, fiddle championships, Llama and Alpaca fleece shows, a mechanical bull, dancers, dog shows and top hogs.

Get out your shit-kickers and head to Denver to check out this tradition of Western culture. Buy a 10-gallon hat. Spread your wings. Pet a farm animal. Bang a cow(girl)boy.

Info: 303-297-1166, nationalwestern.com

Mustache rides

The grand mustache resurgence of the 20-teens. (2010-2019).

Well, the 'stache has made its rounds throughout history. More than ever, history has been sprouting up on the post-pubescent faces of you and your loved ones. (Tell your mother to trim hers.)


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Just like with the zombie, we can't turn our heads. So, The Deer Pile, 206 E. 13th Ave., Denver, is hosting a party that celebrates everything upper-lip hair with the event, The 'Stache.

The joint will have tunes from Harpoontang (Uh. Que? It's a Denver female supergroup made up of members from Boulder's Paper Bird and such) and Colorado Springs bluesman Grant Sabin. There will also be various mustache-themed crafts, live comedy, a mustache piñata and other things that are fuzzy, I trust.

Got the best one this side of the cow shit? Grand prize wins $100, a gift certificate to a barbershop and a tattoo joint gift certificate. (Now you can get that 'stache tat on your index finger. You would.)

'Staches get in free, bald lips are asked to pitch in an $8 donation.

Info: on.fb.me/VOm9jh