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Yet again, here I sit, hating myself.
Or rather, hating Slexandra, my drunk alter-ego. (YouTube star Jenna Marbles theory, you see. Swap the first letters of your first and last names, and that's the drunk guy or gal you blame for the wrong, intoxicated paths you stumbled down.)
So yea, Slexandra Aieh? She's a bitch.
Because while my friend and I could have stuck to the five free samples on the brewery tour, an additional assortment of beers after led to disaster.
My credit card's pissed. My stomach's writhing in pain. I wouldn't be surprised if my liver's petitioning to be cut out from my body. Toss a sleepless night in before my early-ass shift today and you've got one struggling 20-something.
I tell you this, because, well, I'm a whiney person when limping through a post-shenanigans haze. But also, it's a preview of what I imagine will define your Monday blues next week.
Cautionary tale anyone?
This weekend's got it all. Horses. Sombreros. Tequila and pretentious-themed parties.
Kentucky Derby, meet Cinco de Mayo.
True to form, Boulder's ready to celebrate.
Kentucky de Mayo, as they say at Twisted Pine Brewery (3201 Walnut St.).
On Saturday, enjoy happy hour pricing for shmancy-hat ladies and dudes with popped collars. Dress to impress, folks, and get rewarded with discounted libations.
Guess the derby winners correctly, and you're getting even more -- from a private tour and tasting, to free pints and pitchers. Get over there by 11 a.m. and log your guesses.
As Sunday rolls around, the fun keeps flowing. They've got Mexican cuisine on special and sampler specials for those Billy's Chilies-infused brews we all know to respect. My first (and last) experience with those was one I still shudder at.
Not enough? Well they're busting out more fun with a piñata at 2 p.m.
Regress to childhood with some adult liquid happiness.
Just looking for derby fun?
At West End Tavern (926 Pearl St.), Saturday's filled with quality liquor and crab-race betting.
Yea, crab races. As in bet on the hermit crabs scuttling about an hour before the horses start.
Bust out the fancy duds, and you could win the best-dressed prize. If you don't, you're lame, but still in for discount drinks.
Or perhaps it's the fifth of May that's got you all antsy in your pantsy.
While you can get your tequila kicks anywhere -- Jose's pretty portable -- Centro Latin Kitchen (950 Pearl St.) has a whole pig up for grabs.
At their all-day fiesta, the backyard barbecue boasts a smoked pig and "Mexican street food," whatever that entails. Tack on the $3 Top Rope, $4 house margaritas and $5 coin margs, there's all kinds of Cinco de Mayo fun to be had.
Fancy, foreign and fucked up. That's my kind of weekend.
--Follow Alex on Twitter: @ansieh.