Looking back, I can't say I remember ever wanting to grow up.
Sure I wanted to see PG-13 movies -- I remember having to cover my eyes during select scenes of "Titanic" -- have a cell phone and be able to drive. I appreciated a later curfew each year, being able to date (not that anyone wanted to date me, but that's a moot point) and taking harder classes.
Big shock, I'm a nerd. Get over it.
But I've yet to understand those kids wishing and praying to get older.
Nowadays, driving's a pain and constant expense. Dating's exhausting and I've forgotten everything I learned in school anyway.
I'd give anything to cash in on skipped nap times of yore; To go back to no makeup and not-skin-tight pants (though my ass likes the attention sometimes).
Aside from my elderly bitching -- I say this to commiserate with you beautiful grads out there -- let's look toward graduation with eager and naive eyes.
I remember being thrilled. Despite my Grade 3 sunburn that had just started to peel by graduation day (God, I'm attractive), I took hundreds of pictures. I smiled so much my cheeks hurt. I toted my sangria around the afterparty with style.
Then I got bitchslapped by the real world and have looked longingly at college days since!
But hey, before the sting of true adulthood sets in, here's a few ways to stumble through this special weekend.
West End Tavern (926 Pearl St.), for example, has spotted those school-loan rain clouds hovering above ya and dropped drink prices to end your sobriety all weekend.
Until Sunday, cheers your graduation with food and drink specials, barbecue to die for and a long list of bourbon and cocktails. A far classier way to top off a weekend than beer pong in a pal's garage.
Should you need another option for your pub crawls, the Walrus Saloon (1911 11th St.) is advertising -- with nice 'n' lacy black-n-yellow lingerie I might add -- a week of wild libations.
Tonight, DJ Jahsonic's busting the beats starting at 10:30 p.m. By Friday, they'll be releasing their fishbowls, $3 Stoke & Cokes and $3.50 mystery shots. We did those once. And by they I mean the guys did. I'm a pansy shot taker after whiskey kicked my ass junior year. But for you braver, stronger-stomach folks, by midnight it just ain't gonna matter.
Saturday's got the same deals, paired with DJ Petey's tune-age. And Sunday, well, your credit card can take a day of rest with $1 well drinks and $6 Coors Light pitchers.
Dance shoes lookin' a little dusty? Head over to Absinthe House (1109 Walnut St.) for tonight's DJ Petey and DJ Z-STaar. Friday's still got DJ battles, and Warehouse Saturdays are sure to sweat out the booze you've consumed beforehand.
In all seriousness, congratulations folks. Enjoy this day, you've earned it.