Johnny Depp likes to entertain the kids. Aw. He’s special.
Johnny Depp likes to entertain the kids. Aw. He's special. (Associated Press)

Johnny Depp told E! News that he always has his "Pirates of the Caribbean" Captain Jack Sparrow costume on him at all times in case he swings by a "kiddie hospital and things like that."

Aw. We feel special inside. Like a furry in a fursuit. 

"I'll just sneak in and go and surprise a bunch of kiddies through the different wards. ...It basically turns into a two-, three-hour improvisation, and it's really fun. So I travel with Captain Jack."

Neat. I travel with Captain Morgan and his Kentucky Deluxe comrade.

The Skrillex

Rosario Dawson just shaved some Skrillex hair.

christy fantz
Christy Fantz

(Is that Skrillex dude still around? I'll ask those fire-twirling degenerates next time I pass their drum circle riverside at Confluence Park if I can wade through the glow sticks. I'll report back.)

After I saw a dude perched on a bus bench waiting for the RTD 38 in Denver, passing time by sucking on the end of his braided rat-tail, I started thinking about hair and its various stylings.

After I dry heaved, of course.

We have the afro, which I always wished to have, Erykah Badu-style. Then there's the bouffant, the bob, the butch, the mullet, the bowl cut, the comb over, cornrows, Jheri curl, fauxhawk, feathers, flattop, hi-top fade, shag and pompadour. Among others.


And now, we're making up shit like "Skrillex hair," "The Miley," "Bald Britney" "The Gosselin," "The Zooey," "The Justin" and "The Rachel."

I'll stick with French kissing my electric socket by morning. I like to keep my curls frizzy. "Fuzz Fantz." Everybody's doing it.


That blue dress

Monica Lewinsky needs some cash.

Who? Go back to sleep.

Sell the blue dress! Sell the blue dress!

The former White House intern who became famous from President Bill Clinton's deposit on that infamous blue dress (affair, children), has some of her belongings auctioned off.

You can be the proud parent of: lingerie, notes and a letter signed by Clinton, White House matches, presidential M&Ms and such.

The goods were actually submitted by a former wife of a former Lewinsky lover. (Got that?) So Monica won't get the cash.

Regardless, that bouffant-bedecked broad (hair!) has failed at everything in life: a tanked handbag line, a TV host let down and a fired spokeswoman for Jenny Craig.

I guess that whole POTUS jamming a cigar where her vibrator is employed, threw a wrench in her plans.

A source told the New York Post last fall, "no one will hire her and she can't get a job because of Clinton."

At least she got that 13-year-old unwashed cum-stained rag to brag about.

Oh yeah, and an impeached president. But who's counting trivial shit.