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Remember field trips?
Blatantly talking while the tour guide yammered on ahead of you. Avoiding the poor guy or gal whose parents are chaperones. Copying the worksheet of the one kid who actually gave a shit and listened.
Then you'd cap it all off with a Lunchable and Capri Sun (if you actually got the straw in the hole and didn't spray yourself all over and ... wow, that's filthy dirty).
Those were the days.
Course, I suppose there's adult equivalents. Let's see:
Beer tours. Get dragged around shiny pipes and scalding metal, all the while smiling and nodding at the guide while getting drunk off tiny beer cups.
Sporting events. But instead of sitting with your classroom chums and talking while two people actually watch the game, you're tipsy and wandering around, beer in hand, with those same fools yelling about ... well ... who the hell cares?
I've actually got a field trip for you this Saturday.
GoLite (1222 Pearl St.) has a trail hike all set up for 10 a.m. that'll get those hungover asses of yours out in the Boulder foothills. You can listen to their nature facts as your thighs protest each and every uphill step. Remember your H2O.
Plus, you get to bring a packed lunch. Creepy cheese and fake meat in packaged form, anyone? (Well, the complimentary Crunch bar is OK).
If you take my Friday night advice, you may hit the trails in style. From 4 to 7 p.m., the St. Julien Hotel's spa is hosting a hairstyle happy hour.
This is really for folks like me, who can't even properly run a curling iron. Yea, the burn on my neck really is from one. Or is it ... ?
Anywho, for $20, they'll volumize (fake word alert) your locks in a cute little curly do, or spruce up the eyeballs (with more than fake lashes) and give you makeup worth looking at.
Head over to their site -- stjulien.com/events-entertainment -- for full details.
Best for last.
Drinking beer! For a cause.
It's the end of Firefighter Appreciation Week, and Boulder's doing it up right with a beer fest at the Twenty Ninth Street mall from 4 to 10 p.m. Saturday.
For $55, you'll get unlimited beer tasting from lip-smacking local breweries, live music and a front-row seat to the awarding of the Fight Fire with Beer Governor's Cup beer competition.
The winning brewer will get a snazzy new label and flood into bars and shops all over town. Pretty big deal for said brewer.
Some of the proceeds will go to state firefighters, as a big ol beer-stained "thank you" for all the work they do. Seriously, those guys and gals are incredible.
And now some quick hits:
BLAM. (Get it? GET IT?) The Boulder Outdoor Cinema is winding down its season, plopping "Tombstone" on its screen this Saturday at dusk. Head over early (7 p.m.) and jam out to Backwoods Galaxy before the show.
KAPOW. Know anything about beer? (And I mean more than "This is Coors Light," "This is a ... dark beer" and "Hey, Avery's is in Boulder.") If you do, you could be a winner and work at Upslope Brewery. They're hiring. Hence why I'm bringing it up. Just ... letting ya know.
THWAP. The First United Methodist Church (1421 Spruce St.) is screening "A Place at the Table," for their "End Hunger Now, Boulder!" night. It's all about hunger and food insecurity in America. May not be the wild par-tay you want, but this documentary nerd always encourages learning. It's fun!
WHOO-PAH. Wait, I don't have anything else. I just love "Friends" and writing in all caps.
Follow Alex on Twitter: @ansieh.