Want something huge in your mouth? Try a turkey leg at A Taste of Colorado in Denver this weekend.
Want something huge in your mouth? Try a turkey leg at A Taste of Colorado in Denver this weekend. (Craig F. Walker / Denver Post file photo)

After a laborious first week of classes, you students now have a three-day weekend, ya damn sallies.

Aside from the Rocky Mountain Showdown at Mile High on Sunday, Denver is stuffing its long weekend full like Taylor Swift's bra wishes it were.

(Show some school spirit homies, go to the CU-CSU game on Sunday. It's a great chance to see your Buffs play where Prince Peyton Manning reigns. Ram those Rams in the somewhere. But don't get arrested.)

Food, booze, tunes

Denver's Labor Day staple: A Taste of Colorado. The festival runs Friday through Monday and features tons of local restaurants, food trucks and live tunes all for free admittance.

When is it not Hammer time? See MC Hammer in Denver this weekend for free.
When is it not Hammer time? See MC Hammer in Denver this weekend for free. (Courtesy)

Stuff your hole with a big fat turkey leg as MC Hammer rocks Denver's Civic Center Park (corner of Broadway and Colfax in Denver). He's just 2 legit, 2 legit 2 quit (hey, hey!).

There are also carnival rides, booze tents and the most ridiculous amount of people-watching you'll ever lay your balls on. Eyeballs, perverts. The fest features five stages with dozens of local and national bands all for free.

(Also highlighted on the schedule is R&B legend Aaron Neville, who apparently has a sword tattooed on his face. Who knew? I don't know much, but I know I love yooooooou.)

Put on your fanny pack, parachute pants and stop... Hammer time!

Note: Do not, I repeat, do not get thrown in detox this weekend. It's the weekend the cots are chock-full of Dina Lohans and Courtney Loves. Also: Don't drink and drive. The heat is always on in Colorado. It's on the streets. Yeeee heeee. The heat is .... on.

Ahem.

Your BuffOne ID card gets you free RTD access and the Denver-Boulder bus drops you right in the middle of downtown Denver for free.

Balls!

The Rockies play the Reds this weekend.
The Rockies play the Reds this weekend. (Helen Richardson / Denver Post file)

Sure the Colorado Rockies blow a big fat didgeridoo, but baseball games are a blast. Especially at Coors Field. If you've never been, the stadium is gorgeous, the views are even better and tickets for the raging party of the Rockpile sells for only $4.

The Rox play the Reds this weekend, so check out colorado.rockies.mlb.com for tickets.

But. before you go to the game, head to the Icehouse Tavern, 1801 Wynkoop, Denver, just a block away and get tanked on $2 Coors Lights to save your bank account from the ballpark $8/beer assault.

Here Phishy, Phishy, Phishy

Hippies. Free love. Don't feed the pig. Free speech. Challenge authority. Screw corporate America!

Now let's go see Phish at a Fortune 500 company!

If you're into that kind of thing, Phish will be at Dick's Sporting Goods Park, 6000 Victory Way, Commerce City, Friday through Sunday.

Don't forget your armpit mold and beard beads. (dickssportinggoodspark.com, 303-727-3500)

Comey, Denver-style

What's more fun than too much fun? The Too Much Funstival! (Pun of the bad variety, Fantz.)

Denver's comedy scene has been cracking the national whip lately, with the talent sprouting like weed in growhouses.

Friday through Sunday, all over the Denver area, the Too Much Funstival will give you the laughs at venues around town. Denver's Fine Gentleman's Club, a group of local comedians, is hosting the free festival that will include bands, live comedy, kickball, dodgeball, beer, food and a bouncy castle. Check out the details at facebook.com/toomuchfunstival.

Contact Christy Fantz at 303-473-1107, fantz@coloradodaily.com, twitter.com/fantzypants