As we enter summer, we want for very little. There is plenty of sunshine and patio seating to keep you beaming during the day. At night the streets come alive like gargoyles, with extended happy hours enabling all sorts of bacchanalia and revelry. It's nearly perfect. The only thing missing is your summer fling.

For my readers in committed relationships, I ask that you turn the page and read something else. Likewise, if you're a normal person with a normal level of social awkwardness -- please ignore this column because it wasn't written for you. As a gesture of pure brilliance, I have assembled a geek's guide to successful summer lovin', guaranteed to bring flings like an order of wings.

You see, geeks are like tomatoes at a grocery store. They just want to be squeezed. Unfortunately, they can't do it on their own. They lack the courage to initiate the squeezing process due to their distractions -- the internet, Steve Jobs' nostrils, eating Cheez-Its.

This is where I come in. I can help you find a summer fling. Let me help you seize the squeeze.

I'll describe a few different scenarios and plot the best course of action that will result in smooches. Bear in mind that these methods have been rigorously tested by the laziest interns in Boulder.

Let's say you're in a coffee shop downtown, hammering away at some code or a blog post. You look up from your computer and spot someone very attractive. Your eyes meet. It's totally love. If they were a flame and you were Mothra (Godzilla's arch nemesis), you would destroy Tokyo to be together.

However, the object of your escalating affections is wearing headphones! Do you interrupt them, or do you bide your time quietly? The correct answer is to interrupt them. According to figures provided by the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment, 94 percent of the music people listen to is absolute garbage. You'll be doing them a favor by interrupting them, so barge right in.

If you play your cards right, your interruption will turn into some skin-to-skinterruption if you know what I mean. [INSERT SOUND EFFECTS.]

Here's another scenario. You're at the Apple Store because your iPad isn't iPad enough and it's dampening your insufferable ego. A customer to your right is having a similar problem. As you glance over, the world comes to a stop like you downloaded some bad drivers.

This is it. You have stumbled across The One. Fear creeps into your organic cotton shirt. You have followed a trail of breadcrumbs through the forest and arrived at a house made of sweat. You begin to speak, but your confidence is shaken. What do you do?

Relax, it's not just you. The Apple Store makes everyone uneasy. I think it's the lack of cash registers. What happened to all the cash registers? Someone should buy that place some cash registers. At any rate, I recommend making cash register sounds ("Whrrrrk-ding!") to make yourself feel better and then asking the person out on a date.

A warm-weather dalliance is a rite of passage. With me on your side, you can't lose. In no time at all, you'll be the King or Queen of a mighty flingdom. Just remember to appoint me Chancellor of Romancellor.

Ef Rodriguez writes about geeky stuff once a week for the Colorado Daily. Record your best cash register noise and send him a YouTube link at pugofwar@gmail.com.