Jessica Ryan
Jessica Ryan

I have something to tell you.

It may come as a surprise to you and be hard to accept, but it's something I've been sitting on for a long time, and I think it's time to come clean...

(Deep breath, pause for dramatic effect.)

I have never seen "Star Wars."

I know, I know. How can I call myself a nerd if I've never seen it? How can I call myself an American?!

Whenever I "come out" to someone, I'm always reminded of that scene from "How I Met Your Mother" where the girl Ted's dating hasn't seen it (solidarity!) and Marshall says, "Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen "Star Wars" are the characters in "Star Wars," and that's 'cause they lived 'em, Ted. That's 'cause they lived the Star Wars!"

I have vague memories of seeing "The Empire Strikes Back" when they re-released them in theatres in 1997. I know I saw "Attack of the Clones" when it came out in 2002. But watching two movies from a series doesn't really count, and I haven't even seen the series' actual namesake.

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), "Star Wars" is pervasive in our culture, and I've been able to pick up enough to fake it 'til I make it.

I don't even know the situation in which someone starts watching "Star Wars." Do your parents just sit you down in front of the TV as an infant and play the series on a loop? I remember we had the VHS box set, but the movies I watched as a kid were "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," "The Big Lebowski" and "The Birdcage."

By the time I realized watching "Star Wars" was just This Thing Everyone Does, everyone had already done it. Instead of offering to watch it with me, it was easier for people to tease me about my "Star Wars" virginity — and it continues, to this day.

Part of me would like to watch it, to be able to actually understand why everyone hates Jar Jar Binks instead of just nodding along and smiling. But... I'm worried all the references and the faking have already ruined it.

Am I OK with faking it 'til I make it? Am I willing to let the "Star Wars" fandom dictate my worth as a nerd? Do I need to "lose it" with someone special, or do I even need to lose it at all?

I guess it's worth a try...or perhaps a do. Since, you know. "Do or do not; there is no try."

Okay, good talk.

Jessica Ryan is a community manager and CU grad. She writes about nerdy things once a week for the Colorado Daily. On Twitter: twitter.com/JessicaLRyan.