My dad always says, "There's nothing amateur about my 'crastination; I'm a pro."
While this adage of his is just one in a sea of many, it's become a favorite of mine. And, thanks be to genetics, I've also been rockin' pro status around the 'crastination circuit for as long as I can remember. Fortunately, my years of experience have taught me how to master procrastination with ease while still getting shit done (she types, dangerously close to her deadline). After all, isn't one of our nerd mottos "Work smart, not hard?"
The trick to procrastination is to take The Thing You Have to Do and try not to think about it. At all. Thinking about it is totally an amateur move and will get you booted from the tour before you can even say, "But it's really important!" Push it deep into the back of your mind. Build a nice little nest for The Thing out of your repressed memories. Mmm, comfy.
Make sure you do anything and everything, except The Thing. Do your dishes, learn to knit — hell, go for a run. 'Crastinating at a professional level gives you more room to do All the Other Things you were putting off. Forgive the sports analogy, but it's like pulling them off the bench and putting them in action on the field. This tactic becomes especially helpful when there are a lot of Things to Do, because you can develop a nice cycle of procrastination — you'll always get something done because you're busy avoiding doing That Other Thing. It's like its own little sustainable ecosystem of productive dawdling.
And, oh man. That adrenaline rush that comes from a rapidly approaching deadline and so much of The Thing left to do? So good. Procrastination turns you into an aerosol can of productivity: contents under pressure, keep away from flames, etc. When you finally press that annoyingly tiny button, magical things happen. You turn getting shit done into an art form, spreading out all over place and taking care of business.
There are few pleasures more divine than that which comes from checking items off a to-do list. Whether you use a digital task management tool or good ol' pen-and-paper, that little check mark is just so damn satisfying. And procrastination makes it that much sweeter to complete a task — it gets borderline orgasmic after you've been changing the due date, crossing it off, adding it back on and moving it further and further down the list for longer than you can remember.
Haters will tell you procrastinating is a waste of time and leads to unnecessary stress. But if you do it right, you'll be more productive than ever, catch a good adrenaline rush and still feel the satisfaction of checking things off your to-do list. So procrastinate away, nerds. Get down with yo smart-working selves.
Jess Ryan is a social media strategist and CU grad. She writes about nerdy things once a week for the Colorado Daily. On Twitter: @jessryanco.