You can't control whether the powder gods open the skies and dump luscious feet of fluff on Colorado. But you can pray for snow.

(And PS, you can't control your dog, either. Clyde ate my mocha when I walked him for you. Ate it. Compostable lid and all. Pray for his intestines.)

Ski areas can make snow. But perfect conditions are required for blowing.

Snow blowing. Dirty bird.

When technology fails us, we must resort to pseudo-science or spirituality. Or pseudo-quasi-not-really-spirituality. If snow is the only thing you'll ever pray for, here are some ideas for how to do it:

1. Pour libations

The ancient Greeks poured wine onto the earth for the gods.

Modern snow-seeker's equivalent: Pour Avery's Out of Bounds Stout into the dirt at the base of whichever mountain you bought a pass for. I hear Hades likes stouts as much as Clyde likes mochas.

Don't cheap out. This is no time for parsimony (look it up). You're praying for a season of freshies -- worth way more than a PBR.

2. Circumambulate

Some seek enlightenment by circumambulating Tibet's Mount Kailash. You just want snow. Or enlightenment through snow. Or sno-cones.

Anyway, think powder as you hike around your chosen mountain.

Also, it's a La Nina year, so walk around clockwise. I'm not sure why. Totally making this up as I go. But definitely clockwise.

3. Snow dance

Wikipedia says rain dances have existed across cultures, from ancient Egypt to the 20th-century Balkans.

Why not snow dance?

Except there's no entry on snow dancing, just "slow dancing," and if there's no Wiki entry, we don't know what the hell to do. So invent one and add a video to Wikipedia (because we all want to see you crump for snow, DJ Tinydancer) for the rest of us.

4. Visualize pow

A Boulder man tried to end the oil spill by visualizing the unactivated safety valve on Deepwater Horizon flipping on.

Well, the gusher's stopped now, hasn't it? Uh-huh. You know what to do. And you can do it from home, or at work or class, walking Clyde. Anytime, it's easy, kind of like when you fantasize about, er, other stuff.

5. Be selfless

Spiritual stuff never works if you're selfish. Neither does pseudo-quasi-not-really-spiritual stuff. So think of everyone who will enjoy the snow.

Like your buddy with the sweet ski condo in Breck. His happiness is in your hands.

And get me a mocha when you're done praying.