More Headaches

Christy Fantz dishes the dirt daily on her Hollywood Headaches blog, at coloradodaily.com .

Taylor Lautner, of "Twilight," is at battle with some RV dealer dolt with pine-tree scented car fresheners marinating his brain.

(That's what the CT Scan told me last night at the bar.)

Anyway, now it's time to play let's watch a dude attempt a deal, carnie-style!

Cue carnival music.

Severely abused animals: Stage left.

Freaks and carnies: Stage right. (No. We're laughing with you).

Ringleaders who abuse the animals: High dive head first into deep wet cement. Then stay there for a day or two. We'll call you.

Bearded lady: Kindly remain on the Denver Colfax 15 bus.

Lautner is suing the dealership owner Brent McMahon for not delivering a custom-made rig to his movie set on time. (I know. Who says rig? And I know. Calm down, Lautner.)

McMahon's brilliance came up with a way to settle the suit. A push-up contest!

He totally read Lautner's mind.

In fact, I heard the "Twilight" star scream, "Team Edward!" in excitement.

Uh, you're the other one, dude. Remember? Jacob? Shhh. I won't say anything.

 

Paris and her white pony

Paris Hilton was charged Saturday in Vegas for felony possession of cocaine.

The heiress was with her disease-of-the-week, Cy Waits, when cops detected the smell of marijuana from the car.

Sidebar: What the hell kind of a name is "Cy"?

As Waits failed sobriety tests, Hilton was escorted into a hotel because she didn't want to be "molested by the growing crowd," an officer claimed in his report.

Sidebar deux: The only crowd that would molest that girl is a shack full of STDs.

As Paris opened her purse for lip balm, a bag of blow fell out right into the officers' hand.

But guess what?

The purse wasn't hers. She borrowed it.

Whew. That was close. She's bound to be excused with wit that sharp.

 

Quote of the week

Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) started dating some douche, Jeff Miranda, who she met at a club.

Hey, I am just as surprised as you are that he didn't mistake her for an Oompa Loompa.

"Nicole is actually really cute and seems like a cool a -- person, even though she's drunk most of the time. She's a real sweet girl," he told Us magazine.

Get out! My BF totally engraved almost that exact same quote on my bedside table.