christy fantz
Christy Fantz
I n the vein of all things dolt, the world is at odds deciphering which Hollywood boy Taylor Swift penned "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" about.

Happy pill, dear? In the past, she has supposedly lyric-bashed Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Swift's new song has my finger pointing at Croc's co-founder, George Boedecker.

A witness found him passed out in his Porsche over the weekend and called it in. According to the police report, he claimed Taylor Swift was behind the wheel first, but she ran off to Nashville via a nearby local yard. Allegedly.

So via distressed glorified mess, thar Taylor blew, in lyrics (and in my imagination):

"So he calls me up and he's like, 'I still love you,' and I'm like, I'm just... This is exhausting, you know like. We're never getting back together. Like ever."

Like, oh em God. It's like poetry to, like, our savage ears. Like, totally.

Mr. Boe, we hear Taylor's a square. Try the Michael Lohan next time. Now there's a likely culprit.

Miley's haircut

Miley Cyrus cut her hair into a platinum blonde pixie cut. It is causing quite the Twitter uproar. She's retorting with tweets like, "self love is the greatest of all flatterers."

And then I remembered I had to scrub my toilet.

Quote of the week

"Like John Travolta? Come out! Come on. How many masseurs have to come forward? Let's do this," said "Parks and Rec" star Rashida Jones, urging Travolta to come out of the closet during a magazine interview, for which she later apologized.

Can we get a masseuse to clean up on aisle denial? How is our dear, sweet Danny Zuko not aware that he's gay? ("Grease," laymen.)

The actor has been dodging or dealing with separate scandals, including sexual harassment with male masseurs, rumored gay bath house orgies and an extended relationship with a pilot.

Sure, it's none of our business.

But let's discuss. I blame religion-hopping.

Travolta converted from Catholicism to Scientology in the '70s, when much of said rumored rubs and tugs began.

When Catholicism rubbed him wrong, in came L. Ron Hubbard to tug him.

Wrong.

I mean tug his heart out with Scientology's attempts to cure homosexuality.

Next in line: Tom Cruise.

Clooney's GF bringing him down

Come on down! You're the next contestant on "Supermarket Superstars."

And your host is... George Clooney's girlfriend.

Stacy Keibler just landed a job on the telly as host of the reality show.

George, unacceptable. She's pooping in your A-list panties, and we all know you can't wash that lace forever.

Plus, your BFFs Brad Pitt and Matt Damon are so embarrassed that they're gossiping over mani/pedis at Travolta's bath house.