christy fantz
Christy Fantz

L ike I need to elaborate.

Fine, just as you enjoy fresh whack cream, you prey on fresh porn, so I'll elaborate: A porn trade group has called for a nationwide filming freeze while officials investigate an outbreak of syphilis.

The Associated Press reported that Los Angeles County Public Health Department will investigate at least five possible reported cases. More than 1,000 performers have been called on to be tested.

So pull up the archives, kids. Fresh porn is taking a penicillin nap.

And now I'm going to go take a shower.

But first...

Rihanna loves Chris Brown

This Aug. 4, 2012 image released by Harpo Productions shows singer Rihanna, left, with Oprah Winfrey during an interview for "Oprah’s Next
This Aug. 4, 2012 image released by Harpo Productions shows singer Rihanna, left, with Oprah Winfrey during an interview for "Oprah's Next Chapter" in Barbados. The interview, in which Rihanna speaks about her relationship with Chris Brown, will air on Sunday, Aug. 19 at 9p.m. EST on OWN. (AP Photo/Harpo Productions, George Burns) (George Burns)

Rihanna told Oprah in an interview that aired on Sunday night that she still sees Chris Brown since the restraining order -- remember? The one preventing him from seeing her because he beat the shit out of her? -- was lifted in February.

"We've been working on our friendship again...We love each other, and we probably always will. And that's not anything that we're going to try to change. It's not something you can shut off if you've ever been in love," she said on "Oprah's Next Chapter."

Super.

My concern is, uh, I thought Oprah was done with TV.

What the shit, man?

You can't retire and come back three months later. What is this, rapper's NBA?


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Argh, gross!

While perusing my weekly celebrity gossip, out spit "argh, gross!"

Then I showed the newsroom the picture I was ogling and they all had the same response.

I inadvertently clicked the "Over-50 Beach Boys" link. (I bet.)

Over 50, as in years old.

Steven Tyler had on a leopard-print Speedo and a manboob. A manboob. Not two.

I then whoops-a-daisies glanced at the thumbnails: Rod Stewart in a Speedo, a pasty Paul McCartney and some a dude in spandex shorts and a sweater.

Oh wait. That's a shirtless David Hasslehoff.

My bad.

Resurgence of '90s bands

Remember Matchbox Twenty?

Of course you don't. You were still suckling at mom's teat.

The band is releasing a new album -- its first new music since 2002. Lead singer Rob Thomas, who clearly never left 2002, said the band was a little worried because they've been out of the spotlight for so many years.

Right. We don't care anymore.

"We've always had this theory that it really doesn't matter. You can go away for 10 years, you can go away for 20 years, but if you put out a good enough record, hopefully people will like it," he said in an interview with Yahoo's omg!.

Oh it matters.

He even said it himself about the band's 1996 breakout album, Yourself or Someone Like You:

"If they come on the radio, we turn them off. If I never hear 'Real World' again, I'll be totally fine," he said.

Us too. Please stop talking.