The snowbirds of the University of Colorado.

Ah, if it would only decide to snow more. Since the primo destination to be a top-rate college student ski bum is Boulder, you need to learn some tricks of the trade.

Booze is pricey at ski resorts. Pricey. So here's a weekend shindig a (wo)man with a plan needs to get on.

Rent a cheap timeshare or condo for the weekend. Many are townhouses with multiple bedrooms, sleeper couches and loooooove pads, so cram 15-20 of you into your Audi, and share a townhouse for the weekend at (your favorite resort here).

You need goods. You're heading to a weekend resort, like you can afford to eat and drink at the lodge. (If you can, call me.) Bring enough food individually (or shop and make dinners together) for the weekend and buy booze in advance so you don't spend this semester's loan. You can thank me before spring break.

After a day of shredding the hell out of the mountain like it was your sex tape -- or, bruising your little bummy all the way down the mountain like it was your, well, your sex tape -- you need a drink. Here are five must-haves in the alcohol department of said debaucherous weekend. (I mean, in moderation, friends.)

BEER

For a two-night stint, with 15-20 of you, you're going to need -- (math, math, math) -- a whole mess of beer (math sucks). Beer is the go-to for those who can't handle the truth.

Plus, it goes well with pancakes, pasta and Hot Pockets. You know, the food groups.

WHISKEY

It's cold and it's Colorado. You need whiskey. (Might I recommend Denver's Stranahan's? It's pricey, but make that one dude you invited for sake of his Range Rover.) After a long day of getting a good pounding in (of the mountain, friends), a nice glass of whiskey spoons the insides like white on snow. This purchase will supplement coffee, hot chocolate, cider and a shot glass. Obviously.

RUM

Hot buttered rum is the perfect après ski drink because it is hot, it's buttered and it's rum. And it's got a couple spoonfuls of sugar. Something's gotta help the medicine go down. Also bring some soda and mixers for leftovers.

IRISH CREAM

Since you already have the whiskey, then Irish coffee is necessary. You woke up early, tore up that fresh powder all day and are now exhausted. You need a pick-you-up for your raging late-night dance party in the hot tub. Get some decent grounds (pass on the Folgers) and mix whiskey, coffee and Irish crème (Baileys). That second wind will help when it's time to jump on all the beds of your sleeping comrades.

WINE

You're classy. You're all grown up and staying in a condo in Breck for a weekend. Bring some vino to sip on while in the hot tub. But calm down, because you're not that classy. Make it a box of Franzia. Then when all else fails, at the end of the night when you need to spice up the party, bring on a game of Slap the Bag.

Aw. We're so grown up.

Don't be a moron on the slopes. Save the heavy boozing for après ski. The last thing mom and dad need is a call from Frosty the Snowman telling them you're stuck between two trees.