Sam Nixon is the man behind "Words From a Nerd," which runs every Wednesday in the Colorado Daily. He'll keep you apprised on the best and bizzare when it comes to movies, TV, video games, conventions and cultural phenomena. Set down that glass of chocolate milk before you read or you'll spray brown dairy out your nasal passages.
The inner folds of his grey matter are filled with snarky synapses. Behold:
What fictional drug are you most curious to try?
In the movie "Dredd" from a few years back (the one with Karl Urban, not that Stallone/Schneider abomination), there is a drug called Slo-Mo that changes a user's perception of time to 1 percent of normal speed. I'd like to pop one of those things then chug a few root beers as fast as I could, giving me just enough time to belch right as it kicked in. A stasis-like burp reverberating outward from my center for what's perceived to be hours has gotta be as close to nirvana as I can hope to attain.
A time traveler from 100 years hence offers you your choice of the fruits of transhumanism: chlorophyll skin, webbed toes, carbon fiber bones, you name it. What genetic/surgical modification do you make to your body?
I'd have to go with the obvious answer and lay claim to some particularly durable elbows. Never know when the ol' arm joints will shit the bed, so some added longevity to the trusty headlockers will go a long way. Also ass-cheek racing stripes, but those are something I can probably pull off with a pocket mirror and some greasepaint. Don't have to bring time travel into the equation.
If you were 6 inches tall, what animal would be your mighty steed?
The height might actually make this a bit of a pain in the ass, but when I was a kid I really wanted to have a pet graboid (you know, the giant subterranean worm monsters from that Kevin Bacon movie "Tremors") to ride around on (Or in? Fuckers traveled underground, and logistics were not my strong suit as a child). I'd still like to make that work someday.
If I rifled through your fridge, what's the most scandalous item I am likely to find?
If you rifled through my fridge right now, all you're going to find is a lot of food-borne illness and more chocolate milk than a grown man should admit to owning. And you'd probably end up very sticky at the end of it all. It's best to just leave the fridge alone.
What is your preferred method of disposing of the body?
Well I did have this one secluded drainage ditch for dedicated corpse-dumping activities, but "Pokemon Go" really ruined that whole goddamn operation once it came out that you could catch Abras there. So now I'm back to using seagulls and a shitload of sunflower seeds in a poor man's Tibetan sky-burial setup.
What is the best flavor of Jell-O shot (besides snozzberry, of course)?
Every Jell-O shot I've ever consumed had a thick film on the top with the consistency of boiled football leather. This probably isn't a part of the standard method of preparing these shots, and I'm sure they could be better than the rubber little morsels I'm used to, but still, I'm not particularly fond of them. That said, I'll eat most anything if it comes in fig flavor, chewy outer alcoholic ring be damned.
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