Look, to be a real person, you need to know how to make yourself a sandwich. And when you've burned out on some basic PB&J bullshit, you should go out, treat yo'self and see how the pros do it. Your wallet won't thank you, but your tastebuds will.
And sandwiches tend to be the cheapest thing on the menu, so maybe there will still be some cash left over for extra fancy peanut butter from Trader Joe's when you're done.
Half Fast Subs
1215 13th St.
10:30 a.m.-11 p.m. Monday-Wednesday; 10:30 a.m.--12:30 a.m. Thursday-Friday; 11 a.m.-12:30 a.m. Saturday; 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday
Perched directly across the street from campus on The Hill, Half Fast Subs is a great spot, offering patio seating — and some great Buffs boastfulness.
This shop has one of the largest sandwich menus in the country, and we wouldn't dare doubt it. Walk in and you'll be greeted by the mother of all chalkboards along with other such well-curated decor like the articles from The Onion by each booth. Plus, the half-pitchers of "Mega-ritas," "Strong Island Iced Teas" and hurricanes will quench your thirst — and then some.
2128 Pearl St.; 5340 Arapahoe Ave.
11 a.m.-10 p.m. Monday-Saturday; 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday
Just say the name. Isn't it fun? There are more than 20 sandwich options in 7-inch and 12-inch configurations, including a mouth-watering prime rib as well as a slew of vegetarian options, like an artichoke, feta and provolone sub. A wide range of salads and tantalizing sides flesh out the menu of these fluorescent little gems. Plus, the fresh-baked bread and hot pepper relish is a must-try.
At lunch hour, you may face a wait, but you know what they say — good things coming to those who — yeah, yeah.
1322 College Ave. on The Hill; 7:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Sunday
2900 Valmont Road; 7:30 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday-Friday; 8:30 a.m.-6 p.m. Saturday; 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday
4800 Baseline Road; 7:30 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday-Saturday; 7:30 a.m.-5 p.m. Sunday
You will bite into this sandwich and immediately feel like you're in the Big Apple. But wake up and come to your senses, dammit! You're still in Boulder, merely biting into a New York-style sandwich.
Deli Zone features famous Brooklyn heroes in the form of big fat Reuben and Philly cheesesteak sandwiches. Try the Soprano sandwich (grilled roast beef, cheddar, tomatoes, red onion, horseradish mayo, lettuce and a really frustrating series finale), or the Hell's Kitchen breakfast sandwich (eggs, pastrami, swiss, onion, hash browns and a scathing insult from an angry British man).
Enjoy your sandwich and try to keep a better handle on your surroundings next time, jeez.
1313 College Ave.
10 a.m.-12 a.m. Monday-Saturday; 10 a.m.- 11 p.m. Sunday
The subs are not the only thing toasted here. Catering to perhaps the easiest-to-please customers on Earth, Cheba Hut slings 4-inch nugs, 8-inch pinners and 12-inch blunts. Got a bad case of cottonmouth? Try the smooth pineapple iced yerba mate or the Kool-Aid. Seriously, when was the last time you had Kool-Aid? Oh yeah!
The decor is definitely college dorm chic, and the TVs are playing either Mexican wresting or nonstop Bob Ross. If that doesn't convince you, nothing will.
1335 Broadway on The Hill; 8 a.m. - 8 p.m. Monday-Thursday; 8 a.m. - 11 p.m. Friday-Saturday; 10 a.m.-7 p.m. Sunday
2609 Pearl St.; 7 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday-Friday; 10:30 a.m.-6 p.m. Saturday; 11 a.m.-6 p.m. Sunday
1397 Pearl St.; 8 a.m.-8 p.m. Monday-Friday; closed weekends late fall through early spring
It starts with bread. That mouth-watering, warm, soft, fresh-baked bread. Try to remember to have them put other stuff in the bread before you scarf down that glorious gluten solo.
Salvaggio's isn't a deli; it's a delicatessen. Sandwiches are made with a wide variety of fresh meat and cheeses, sliced right into the sandwich. Try a hot pastrami or shaved roast beef.
It's a sandwich whittled down to perfection — no fancy-schmancy combinations here. Just good ol' fashioned bread, meat and cheese done right.
Karen Antonacci: twitter.com/ktonacci