No one wants to be the deal-obsessed coupon clipper. We all love to publicly roll our eyes at those rambling about BOGO deals and their latest find from the clearance rack.
But let's be real. Rent's a bitch, student loans are no joke, and the older you get, the harder it is to flirt your way to a free drink.
So let's embrace sensible spending. I assure you, drink specials get you just as boozed up as the full-price ones.
Get plugged in
Want cheap booze?
Trick question. Of course you do.
Well there's an app for that. Or a site, or some technological gadgetry that'll guide you to your nearest happy hour.
Like drinkinthebuff.com. A couple of website smarties set up a site that tells you who's hosting a happy hour at the time you log on. They also have deals sorted by location, via a nifty map, or by just name of the place. It's actually super helpful, detailing what times the happy hour runs from, what type of cuisine it has, etc.
There's also boulderhappyhours.com. It's a bit simpler — just a list of all the eateries, bars, breweries, etc., in town with their happy hours listed. You'll find what's on special on each day, too, helping you gauge what kind of night it's going to be. There's also an app for that, for both Apple and Android devices.
Follow your favorite spot
You'd be amazed how many of your favorite bars and breweries are online, tempting you with sweet deals or new beer releases while you're sneaking onto Facebook during class.
I've found, in my reporting travels, most will preview a new beer release or a band's performance with a quick post on Facebook and/or Twitter, making sure you know in plenty of time to lie your way out of an awkward dinner with that high school friend who's in town for the night.
You'll also find a lot of places have deals specifically listed on their websites. I know that's a pain in the ass, but hey. What else do you have to do, besides homework?
Let's unite our calendars
Breweries are creatures of habit. Most will release new beers or hold happy hours at the same times each week. The folks at Twisted Pine Brewing (3201 Walnut St.) host a couple all-day happy hours. On Tuesday, you'll get $1 pints and a couple food specials, and on Friday, you'll get pitchers on discount. Over at Finkel and Garf Brewing Co. (5455 Spine Road, Suite A), the brewers release a new beer every Wednesday. When it's gone, it's gone, so you'd best hustle those buns over each Hump Day.
I could go on and on, but every brewery has its own weekly routine. Just sync it up to yours, and you'll be well on your way to becoming a regular.
Bars, well, they're even easier. Just plug into what their weekly specials are — typically a set of hours each day and night — and you'll be set.
Just keep reading
Because I heart you all so much (and you've put up with my shit in not one but two columns over the years) I'm going to list out a few happy hour deals to get you started.
2017 13th St.
Happy hours: 3 to 6 p.m. daily, 9 p.m. to close Monday and Sunday
Included in happy hour are $1 off 0.5 liter, $2 off 1 liter, $3 well drinks and $1 off wine.
Additional deals: $8 Das Boot all day Tuesday; $2 off house wine on Wednesday
1911 11th St.
Happy hours: 4 to 8 p.m. Monday-Saturday
$1 well drinks on Sunday; $2 flavored vodka drinks on Tuesday; free drinks for the ladies on Wednesday; $2.50 calls all night on Thursday; deals on fish bowls Friday and Saturday
1165 13th St.
Happy hours: 3 to 6 p.m. Sunday-Friday; 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. Wednesday-Saturday; all day Sunday
Included in happy hour deals: $2 well drinks, $5 martinis, $3.50 draft beer
The Rio Grande
1101 Walnut St.
Happy hours: 3 to 6 p.m. Monday-Friday; $1 off classic Rio margaritas, Big Tex margaritas and Rickys; $3 drafts, Tecate cans and shots of Cuervo Cinge; Thursday's late-night happy hour from 9 p.m. to midnight features $4 classic Rio margaritas.
The Attic Bar and Bistro
949 Walnut St.
Happy hours: 9 p.m. to close Monday-Sunday.
Let's break this week down:
Mondays: $3 well drinks. Tuesdays: $3 Colorado draft beers. Wednesdays: Two-for-one L.I.T.'s. Thursdays: $3 Fat Alberts. Fridays: $5 bourbon and PBR. Saturdays: $2 Pabst Tall Boys. Sundays: Happy Hour discounts.
Every day, you can get $13 buckets of domestic bottles.
From 10:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. on weekends, you'll get $3 Mimosas, $4 Bloody Mary's and $5 Peppar Bloodies, Mamosas and Colorado Bulldogs.
835 Walnut St.
Happy hours: 5 to 8 p.m. Monday through Friday
Included in this deal: Select cocktails are $6; house red, white and rose brut wines are $5; draft beer and Orion cans are $4.