College, it's the place to learn a new language, absorb some organic chemistry, take in a smidge of philosophy, spend around $200,000 and, hopefully, get laid.

Many of you cool kids scored all through high school. That's great. Go play beer pong and let the adults talk.

Adults: So high school was a drag and you spent many a night staring out the window at the moon and wondering, "Why, God? Why won't you let me die not a virgin!" Or was that just me? Anyway, just because you were a nerd in high school doesn't mean college can't be a 40-item sex buffet. Chicks dig smart guys and nerdy girls are hot.

A few things. One, use protection. Condoms are available on campus and at literally every gas station on planet Earth. Use 'em. It's a bitch explaining that Valtrex prescription in the medicine cabinet.

This is the Colorado Daily. We are cheeky bastards. But let me be serious for a beat. Make sure the other person really wants to get it on. Read up on affirmative consent. Learn how to read a person's body language. Be a good sex partner. Don't be Robert Carradine in "Revenge of the Nerds."

Have fun. Be safe. Nerd love.

Wardenburg Health

colorado.edu/health

303-492-5101

1900 Wardenburg Drive

Wardenburg offers a full range of health and wellness services for students who are sick, have anxiety attacks or need birth control.


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The Sexual and Reproductive Health Clinic has a gynecologist, nurse practitioners, a registered nurse and health care technicians, and it offers annual exams, birth control consultations, emergency contraception, HPV vaccinations, STI testing, pregnancy testing and more. Visit colorado.edu/health/services/sexualhealth.

Family Nurse Practitioner Lisa Funk-Graycar interviews CU student Addison Swift at the medical clinic in the Williams Village complex.
Family Nurse Practitioner Lisa Funk-Graycar interviews CU student Addison Swift at the medical clinic in the Williams Village complex. (Paul Aiken / Staff Photographer)

Health Promotion offers free condoms (roll-on and internal), lubrication, and information about proper condom use. They also have nitrile and latex gloves, and instructions on how to make an effective cape or a dental dam. These resources can be used as an effective birth-control method and to prevent disease. Visit colorado.edu/health/promotion.

Sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing is available by appointment with a health care provider and is covered by the Gold and Campus Care health plans. Walk-in testing is available — and may be nice for those without CU insurance as it doesn't include a visit with a health care provider, but payment is required at the time of service. Test results are documented in the student's medical record, and STI testing results are ready the following day in most cases. For tests that are positive, a Wardenburg nurse will call the student to discuss the results and make recommendations for follow-up care and treatment options. Visit colorado.edu/health/sti.

Other services

Office of Victim Assistance offers free and confidential support, information, advocacy and short-term counseling for students. OVA can help with bias-motivated incidents, sexual harassment and discrimination, intimate partner abuse, physical assault and hazing, sexual assault, stalking, harassment and more. OVA offers online and in-person confidential reporting. Visit cuvictimassistance.com.

Counseling and Psychiatric Services offers confidential mental and psychiatric services for various concerns including: academics, anxiety, body image, depression, relationships, substance use and more. Visit colorado.edu/health/counseling.

Off-campus resources

• Planned Parenthood, 2525 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-447-1040

• Boulder Valley Women's Health Center, 2855 Valmont Road, Boulder, 303-416-3237

• Boulder County Public Health, 3450 Broadway, Boulder, 303-441-1100

• Boulder County AIDS Project (BCAP), 2118 14th St., Boulder, 303-444-6121

• Moving to End Sexual Assault (MESA), 1333 Iris Avenue, Boulder, 303-443-0400

• 24 Hour Rape Crisis & Information Hotline, 303-443-7300

John Bear: twitter.com/johnbearwithme