BOULDER, Colo. –

Things got a little stinky in the Cheese State earlier this week when Wisconsin Gov. Jim Doyle announced the state’s new tourism slogan: “Live like you mean it.”

That’s right. Live like you mean it — in Wisconsin.

How exactly they linked such a glamorous, life-on-your-own-terms philosophy with characteristics that define everyday Wisconsin living — like, I don’t know, owning your own goat — is beyond me.

I mean, let’s be honest. If you’re in Wisconsin living life like you mean it, then the first thing you’re probably going to do is get the hell out of Wisconsin.

To their credit, however, coming up with a good state slogan can be extremely difficult.

Take my home state, Indiana, for example. It’s had the same motto — “The Crossroads of America” — since I was in diapers.

Unfortunately, while that slogan evokes grandiose visions of being a central hub of American interstate travel, the reality is that the only tourism Indiana gets is from people on their way to other, more interesting states.

Similarly, Wyoming suffers from a state slogan that is just a bit too accurate to be all that enticing: “Wyoming, Like No Place on Earth.”

But just because visiting Wyoming helps people understand what it’s like in the middle of nowhere doesn’t make it a great way to advertise.

Texas used to have my favorite motto: “Don’t Mess with Texas.” This was great because, rather than trying to appeal to tourists with a catchy phrase, they instead offered an abrasive and somewhat menacing threat.

Texas’ new slogan, “It’s Like a Whole Other Country,” isn’t nearly as cool. Yes, Texas is like a whole other country — let’s call it “Mexico.”

But the new slogan is just an attempt to get as close to seceding from the union as they can without completely rehashing the Civil War.

North Dakota’s state slogan is just one word: Legendary.

Sorry, North Dakota. I’m familiar with a number of legends, but I’ve not counted “Little House on the Prairie” as one of them.

Some states, on the other hand, miss the mark by simply emphasizing the wrong tourist attraction.

Louisiana, for example, would do just fine to heed my suggestion for the state motto “It’s Marti Gras, Bitches!”

It’s friendly, it’s party-oriented and they can have it for free. Anything to get them to stop advertising their state with “Louisiana, Come As You Are — Leave Different,” which I feel places too much emphasis on the state’s reputation for venereal disease.

While it’s good to highlight your best attributes, states have to remember not to get greedy.

Florida, for instance, calls itself “The Sunshine State.”

No, Florida. Just because you have beaches doesn’t mean you own the effing sun. You need a reality check. How about “Florida, Where Elderly Voters Go to Die.”

Finally, Colorado’s “Enter a Higher State” is nearly perfect. It evokes images of everything from our majestic mountains to our surplus of Buddhist hippies. Its only flaw is that it fails to mention me.

So I tweaked it a little: “Colorado, Enter a Higher State in the Home of ‘Diet Water’ by Lance Vaillancourt.”

There. Now it’s perfect.

I’m sure we’ll be competing with Wisconsin in no time.