Christy Fantzdishes the dirt daily on her Hollywood Headaches blog, atwww.coloradodaily.com .
Kate Moss wants to be the first supermodel to release a cookbook. Back off, I was in line first.
A sampling of the recipes:
– Ice cube stew: Seven ice cubes, 1/8 of a lemon, 2 finely crushed Xenadrine tablets. Mix and enjoy. Then smoke a fag.
– Diet Coke slushy: One Diet Coke, six ice cubes. Blend and enjoy. For extra pep, sprinkle in some Fen-phen. Then smoke a fag.
– Powder blend crunch: Two of the following: Phentermine, Xenical, Bontril and Meridia. Mix with celery, iceberg lettuce and white wine vinegar. Then smoke a fag.
The cookbook will only be 35 pages long because, well, who wants a fat cookbook lying around the house?
Adult living 101
Kendra Wilkinson is nothing short of a wunderkind. Don’t be jealous.
She said she mailed something for the first time on her own a couple months ago, sans stamp.
“My mom, she was like, ‘Are you serious? You didn’t put a stamp on your mail?’ I’m like, ‘Dude, I’ve never been on my own before, how am I supposed to know?'” the Playboy bunny told Celebuzz.
Don’t hate. She’s learning. Kendra, keep the vibrator under the bed and away from the electric mixer. Get the ham out of the armoire. Is that face cream in the dishwasher? Ew, the chicken cutlets go in the freezer. No! Gross! Put that in the backyard! Damnit.
I give up. Good luck, Mr. Baskett.
Find friends your own age
Since Dina Lohan can’t play with kids her own age, she has resorted to hitting the club scene with her 15-year-old daughter.
A funny thing happened on the way to nightclub. After Lindsay and Ali got all tramped up, the bouncer at Villa turned the threesome away, due to Ali being underage, according to MSNBC’s The Scoop.
Then, good ol’ mother of the year used the “Do you know who I am?” line, with Lindsay retorting, “You’re making a huge mistake. Huge!”
Then the bouncer was like, “Oh, my bad. George Hamilton, is that you?”
Heidi wants Spencer to sing
Heidi Montag told MTV News that she wants her boyfriend Spencer Pratt to “sing and rap” on her new album.
My brain just set off a slew of verbal abuse fireworks.
“I just pretty much live and breathe in the studio,” she said. “I’ve never had an album. This is my first album. I’ve wanted to do music since I could talk.”
Well, we’ve wanted to cram life-sized flesh-colored beardballs in your mouth and sew it shut since you could talk.
The reason you “live and breathe” in the studio is because the poor sound engineers are spending nothing short of a lifetime fixing whatever it is you’re doing with those vocal chords.
Montag said the album would hopefully be released at the end of the summer. Collective breath-holding begins … NOW.
And other random news: On April Fool’s day, Heidi Twittered that she was pregnant. Oh, that girl is such a card. Don’t worry, if that ever happens, I’ll petition Home Depot to put rope on sale and I’ll blog a tutorial on how to tie a noose.