BOULDER, Colo. –
Forget about MySpace. Don’t waste your time with Facebook. Twitter’s a joke.
They’re just not good enough.
There just aren’t enough applications, gadgets and tools to give people an authentic sense of themselves in our electronic realms. Too crude, too time-consuming. They require something none of us have a premium on — effort.
Hmmm. How can we fix this important, nay fundamental, human problem? More importantly, how can we monetize it?
A profitable answer awaits. Wait no more, surfbloggers. Grab your keyboards, mouse pads, webcams and throw them out the virtual window! Get ready for me-dot-com! (Not to be confused with me.com, a legitimate and undoubtedly worthy e-terprise.)
How does it work?
It’s so simple. It’s a comprehensive site devoted to you and nobody BUT you! It contains not just your snarky opinions, cutting comments, pasted photos, scraps of diaries, takes on current events, list of recipes, changes in relationship status, responses to quizzes and so on. That is SO early-21st-century!
Me-dot-com cuts to the heart of the matter by broadcasting your inner and outer realities in real time, 24 hours a day. Friends and family can keep track of your comings and goings and stream of consciousness.
Tired of your spouse saying, “I’m not a mind reader?” Well, now you don’t have to.
We’ve developed special monitoring software that, for only $399.99 and a $19.99 yearly users’ fee, can be installed by you at home, using only a very sharp knife, some isopropyl alcohol and our easy-to-follow online instructions.
Once installed, it gives everyone a you-eye view of things. What you hear, we hear. Your experiences can be enjoyed by Grandma, your old college roommate and the appropriate business associates.
What you think is automatically transmitted to a rolling scroll at the bottom of the screen. No more having to compose, to struggle to frame one’s thoughts. They spew like a fire hydrant so that your incessant precociousness is there for all to savor. Aaaahhh!
People will keep track of current events and issues of the day in the modern way — by judging them in relation to what YOU think of them.
Aren’t you fascinating? Yes, you are.
And, by letting the world know all about you all the time, you prove you exist. Heck, me-dot-com justifies your existence!
Nowadays, “things” that “happen” only confuse us. Why are newspapers dying? Why is the flow of “objective” information drying up? Are we more connected than ever, or more isolated?
With me-dot-com, you can not only take a big swim in Lake You, you can also simply tune in to someone else’s reality, or override it with your own (for an additional $49.99 a month).
After all, when you’ve stared into someone else’s shabby little version of reality, you may want to lend them a brighter vision. A vision of YOU!
Now, please be assured that we can protect you from unwanted monitoring and overrides, of course ($79.99/month), and that the information shared on me-dot-com will not be sold to or used by private commercial interests, government entities or stalkers ($109.99/month).
So join the Mevolution! C’mon!
We already know you want to.