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Peter “Hopper” Stone
Larry King speaks with performer and bow-tie model Chris Brown during an interview taped for “Larry King Live.”


MORE HEADACHES



Christy Fantz dishes the dirt daily on her Hollywood Headaches blog

Looking for an extracurricular activity, such as assault?

Search no further.

Now you can beat others, slide by jail time, then claim no memory of the incident. What a deal!

And really, what’s five years’ probation compared to the trauma, shame, post-traumatic stress, anxiety, depression and physical pain inflicted upon the victim?

Chris Brown told Larry King, with mamma at his side, that he doesn’t remember assaulting Rihanna on Feb. 8 and is still in “shock.” The interview airs Wednesday night on CNN’s “Larry King Live.”

Maybe he’s just suppressing bad memories like I’m attempting to suppress the baby blue getup he donned in the interview — checkered bow tie included.

On to big things

Audrina Patridge is ditching “The Hills” to be an actress.

And I’m ditching journalism to become Zooey Deschanel.

After Patridge finishes filming three episodes, she’ll foray into Z-list movies.

“I’m taking the next step and growing up and maturing and moving on in my life,” she said in an interview.

Also on the to-do list: creating her own reality show.

If it entails contestants hog-tying Spencer and Heidi Pratt, color me there.

“The Hills” premieres Sept. 29 on MTV.

Family feud

Guitarist Noel Gallagher left Britpop band Oasis this week due to “verbal and violent intimidation.”

Gallagher, who apologized for canceling shows, doesn’t specify who was responsible for the “intolerable” intimidation.

Here’s a hint: He’s erratic. He’s abrasive. He’s an A-plus a-hole. He hates Americans. His blood runs Gallagher — and presumably all over the faces of those who irk him.

It’s Noel’s dear kin, Liam Gallagher — brother and anglophile extraordinaire.

Noel didn’t directly point his finger at his bro, but said he couldn’t work with Liam “a day longer.”

Noel should be canonized. Fifteen years was 14.5 too many.

Get the man a shrink.

Quote of the week

Spoiler alert: prep the gag reflex.

“I was so scared that I wasn’t going to be able to nurse that when I saw stuff come out of my nipples the other day, I was like, ‘I can breast-feed?’ And I asked my doctor, who said, ‘That’s fine, but it’s not milk yet!'”

— Kendra Wilkinson, on breastfeeding with implants.

Ew!

Kendra, thank you for sharing with us that there is a foreign substance (silicone gel?) leaking from your mammaries.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to continue to violently yawn technicolors.

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