It’s like when your favorite band gets big and you feel betrayed.
The selfish ego tells you to screw the fact that the band now has success. No longer are sweet nothings whispered through a garbled microphone to you across a crowd of whiskey fumes and hipsters.
Then, they go and cheat on you with that filthy tramp, the Pepsi Center.
The walk of shame just jumped from two blocks down Broadway to four levels of escalators.
Christy Fantz dishes the dirt daily on her Hollywood Headaches blog, on her Hollywood Headaches blog.
John Cusack is mirroring this by cheating on “Say Anything,” “Gross Pointe Blank” and “High Fidelity” with “2012.”
Not that he hasn’t been making bad choices for a while — ahem, “Must Love Dogs” and “Serendipity”…
I suppose he deserves a little blockbuster quench since his prodigy Jeremy Piven stomped, spanked and trumped his maker’s career.
But, dear Johnnie, why did you have to go Will Smith on us?
Now get back in John Malkovich’s head like a good boy.
Not a lateral move, boys
Patrick Dempsey hosting an episode of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” would be like James Franco joining the “General Hospital” cast.
Whoops. Franco totally is.
I wish I was kidding.
Pucker up press, it’s Beyonce!
Aside from a media panic attack after manhandling a photo of Brad and Angie’s twins out for ice cream in Jordan, the press’ incessant tributes to Beyonce as the hardest-working woman in showbiz have grown mold.
Black, fuzzy mold that has more hairy green mold growing on top of it.
According to a recent Reuters journalist — who did nothing but use Beyonce’s bum to blot her lipstick — even the average person can’t keep up with Beyonce’s pace.
Score. I’m above average. Thanks, Reuters.
“I was just on vacation for three weeks after touring for a couple of months,” Beyonce said in the interview.
You want to see a hard-working woman in showbiz?
Take a look at Pete Wentz. That chick can multitask.
Gosselins need to go on Jerry Springer
Jon Gosselin allegedly removed $200,000 from his and Kate’s joint bank account, leaving $1,000 for Kate.
This came right after a big “epiphany” he shared with Larry King.
One day, “I looked in the mirror and I said, ‘I don’t want to be this person anymore,'” Jon said.
I actually had a pretty life-changing epiphany soon after.
I looked in the mirror and I said, “I would like you to stab your own eyes repeatedly with sharp pencils for reading about the Gosselins again.”
Then I did what all good people do to forget: I drank.