Sympathy for the ears

There’s no sweeter sound than an intoxicated you, serenading us with garbled karaoke.

Don’t fret, we’re drunk too.

Here’s a head’s up for your next karaoke jaunt: Listed below are five songs not to sing at karaoke.

Or, if you’re in the mood to tick off the crowd, at least buy us a shot.

1 ‘My Heart Will Go On’

Celine Dion

This song should have hit the ocean floor faster than the Titanic. Here’s a tip: You cannot sing this song. I repeat: You cannot sing this song. But, if you think you are the king of the world, then rock that adult contemporary to the next level.

2 ‘Cotton Eyed Joe’

Rednex

Although the world has fallen quite short of techno/folk/bluegrass hick tunes, this song is 100 percent ridiculous — even at a Midwestern wedding. If this is the pick, make sure I’m not there or that microphone cord may find its way around your neck. Yeah, I said it out loud.

3 ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’

Queen

Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Figaro! This song gets really old, really quickly. Six seconds in, to be precise. Let’s let the tune lie with 1992’s “Wayne’s World.”

4 ‘I’m Too Sexy’

Right Said Fred

No. No you aren’t. Well, fine, we’ll give you the cat — you are too sexy for your cat. But for now, let’s just leave it at everyone is too sexy for this song.

5 ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’

Bobby McFerrin

Unless you puke rainbows and ride a unicorn to class, skip this song. Please. It’s really not even funny to sing. It physically hurts.