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Got a question for the Yeti? Write in at

Each week, the Yeti reaches into his mailbag and answers all manner of questions from humans. Send your questions to the Yeti at or chat him up on Twitter at @doctoryeti and if you’re lucky, receive your own response from the wisest beast of all.

Dear Yeti,

I have been having real trouble sleeping lately. I just stay awake in bed thinking, “I wish I were sleeping.” I have tried counting sheep, I have tried visualizing myself sleeping and I have tried all kinds of pills that should probably be illegal. Still, no z’s. What now?

— Robin G.

Human Robin G.:

Yeah, this common problem for “civilized” human because they spend so much time at computer instead of outrunning predator or hunting for food. Human not wear self out during the day.

So, first, Yeti recommend more exercise. Way more exercise.

But because Yeti know that not gonna happen, Yeti have backup plan: Eat SO MUCH Italian food. Two meals’ worth, maybe three. Maybe human sit down with some ziti, some nice garlic bread, lasagna, delicious goat parmesan, goat carbonara, maybe bottle of red wine and goat piccata.

If that not work, Yeti give up.



Dear Yeti,

Is take-n-bake pizza an appropriate contribution to a potluck? I have a bet going with my know-it-all brother.


Human Laura:

This acceptable under two conditions:

One, human prepared to accept shame that go with not actually preparing own food. Seriously, it not that hard to throw together casserole or bean dip or something.

Two, human walk around potluck party all night going, “This not delivery — it diversion.” While human doing this, human accomplice casing the joint for burglary later.



Dear Yeti,

How do you address pushy airport security officers? And where can we look for guidelines on the etiquette of these new full-body scanners that allegedly allow security officers to see what you look like naked.


Human J.:

Yeti always say be very polite to airport security because they have inordinate power to their training, like rent-a-cop or Congress. Those scanner freak Yeti out, even though Yeti not really known for Yeti wardrobe.

Yeti think best way to handle these just for human to act like human really into idea of getting scanned. There something weird about overeager human at all-revealing body scanner.