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Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow on Gobblers Knob in Punxsutawney, Pa., Tuesday and saw his shadow. That means six more weeks of winter weather, people.
Gene J. Puskar
Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow on Gobblers Knob in Punxsutawney, Pa., Tuesday and saw his shadow. That means six more weeks of winter weather, people.


So that damn groundhog saw his shadow on Tuesday.

Six more weeks of winter.

Maybe some of you revel in the chilly temperatures. We think you’re kind of crazy.

Alas, it appears Punxsutawney Phil is correct. Snow may be moving in this weekend, followed by a low of 9 degrees Tuesday night.

That’s just super.

Here are five reasons why we should kick Phil’s bushy-tailed ass.

Relax, PETA, we’re too nice to really do it.

1 It’s cold

Come on, we’re in Colorado. It’s supposed to be 30 degrees one day and 60 degrees the next day. Yes, we could move to Florida, but we like the snow. All we’re asking for is maybe not a month-long stretch of 25-degree temperatures. Mix it up a little — let’s get spicy, Phil!

2 For dog’s sake

The poor pups have been drooling for a nice long walk in the warm air. When it’s been below 30 degrees every night (and quite windy lately!) the brisk walk only turns into a lowly four blocks due to face freeze. Think about the other animals, Phil. Now you’re just being selfish.

3 Hibernating fool

Punxsutawney Phil hibernates. We’re jealous. If we have to wake up at 7:30 a.m. to go to work, class, the bar, what have you, then why does he get to sleep for a living? Then, every Feb. 2 he prances (or squirms, perhaps?) around all high and mighty, (usually) sees his damn shadow and delivers the bad news. Phil, can you just buck up and earn a living like the rest of us? Lazy dude.

4 Whistle-pig

A whistle-pig is another name for the groundhog species. That’s a dumb name. Plus, they’re rodents — and rodents are dirty. And they’re related to squirrels — and squirrels are creepy. Not to mention the groundhog lives underground. We don’t trust anything that lives underground. There are insects down there.

5 He’s ugly

He has buck teeth. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but he would make for a sloppy smooch, if you’re into that. You disgust me. But really, take a look at that mug up there. And trim those nails already. If you cooperate, maybe we’ll hook you up with a mani/pedi.

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