Each week, the Yeti reaches into his mailbag and answers advice questions from geniuses and idiots alike. Send your questions to the Yeti at doctoryeti@coloradodaily.com, comment on the Yeti online, or chat up the Yeti on Twitter — he’s @doctoryeti there — and if you’re lucky, receive your own response from the wisest beast of all.
Dear Yeti,
The Olympics are a time when we can celebrate our nation’s finest athletes — people who have been toiling in obscurity to become world-class curlers, snowman builders and chilled beverage mixers.
People all around the country get together to root for the good old U.S. of A. as our men and women compete against the very best in every sport, pitting against the likes of Sweden, Canada, Korea — what I’m getting at here is, does the line for acceptable disparaging comments about another country move at all during the Olympics?
I mean, I want the Americans to win and everyone else to lose. So is it terrible if I let slip the occasional insensitive remark about a country’s history, or maybe play on some of the funnier stereotypes? Like that the Swiss have (not suitable for publication). Because I’ve been doing some research online and there are some really funny ones like that.
And I don’t believe in generalizations or anything, but come on! All fun and Olympic Games, right?
— Evan
Human Evan:
All human stupid.
Condolences,
Yeti
Dear Yeti,
BE MINE.
— Claire
Human Claire:
Sorry, this one get held over from Valentine’s Day due to massive volume of letters Yeti receive each week.
Yeti belong to no human, but if human really interested, maybe Yeti splash some fish sauce behind ears and meet human for romantic date. What you say about meet Yeti at Ralphie statue on campus next time temperature dip below 10 degree?
Yeti bring the vino, human bring the goats, checkered blanket and the more vino.
Plus, if human a little freaky, maybe human bring torch-bearing angry mob. Yeti can sometimes get down with that.
Condolences,
Yeti
Dear Yeti,
I am so done with school. I am so done with school. I am so done with school. I am so done with school.
I slowly typed all of that over the course of two hours BECAUSE I AM SO BORED and don’t want to write this stupid essay for this stupid required class that will never teach me anything I will ever need to know. I have to finish this semester and then I am free.
HOW can I survive it?
— Greg
Human Greg:
Yeti find that fear is great motivator. So Yeti now attempt to strike fear into human tasty, tasty heart.
Human check this out: no way in hell human going to get job unless human work really hard, because Yeti presently using human e-mail address to apply for all job Yeti can find in communications (yes, Yeti can Google student name and find major pretty easily) with very rude cover letter describing, in detail, human belief that human should be hired to fix horrible direction that company is going.
Maybe human quit his freakin’ whining now.
Condolences,
Yeti
