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Other people have ski condos, like these at Beaver Creek. You don t. Time to get friendly. (iStock.com)

El Nino’s an early-season bitch. Or, bastard. Either way, our ho-hum early ski season may have stopped that chemical reaction in your brain over white stuff — the stuff that makes you do embarrassing and possibly illegal things just for the chance to ski or ride a big pow day.

Feeling tweaky now? Yeah, the flip-side of El Nino is a big spring, and here you are without a place to stay in Summit County and only a month or two of skiing and riding left. Now is the time to endanger an old friendship or embrace a new one for the sake of snow, and here are five ways to do it:

1: Find a sympathy card to play

Your boyfriend just broke up with you. You’re totally stressing over work/school/your pet hamster dying. Find drama and make the obvious point — you need to get away. If your friend is really a friend, said friend will invite you to his/her fab place in Silverthorne for the weekend to mentally convalesce with some shredding therapy and hot-tub debauchery.

2: Bribe with booze

Sharing booze and food is a surefire way to get cool people to like you, duh. If you bring Bourbon and mix hot toddies for your ski-condo pals, you’re golden. And uh, there’s something else you could share, but we won’t advocate that here. (Hint: starts with hot-tub debauchery…)

3: Injury-stalk

Your poor bud who blew out a knee in the superpipe at Breck — Your other friends saw it and laughed and cat-called “yard sale!” when his board and iPod ejected down the pipe; but you saw opportunity, called ski patrol, visited him in the hospital. You’ve earned a spot in his condo by default, brown-noser. Way to put your nose to the, er…

4: Be Cap’n Flexible

Offer to sleep on the couch, the floor, in the bathtub, whatever, friend, I’m flexible! Silence your freakier attributes until you’re in the door. Then you can reveal that you like to take hour-long showers, slurp Cheerios out of the biggest bowl in the kitchen and occasionally scream bloody murder in your sleep. Oh, and I brought my three Saint Bernards, hope that’s cool.

5: Be bold

You don’t have a trust fund or rich relatives who share their swanky ski condo, so you’re kind of screwed. Pucker up and ask your friends who have these things to share. Yes, it’s humiliating, but it’s better than sulking at home with your gi-normous dogs and Cheerios.

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