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This cat s knocking off the booze for Alcohol Awareness Month. Cheers.
This cat s knocking off the booze for Alcohol Awareness Month. Cheers.

April is Alcohol Awareness month.

Perhaps it’s time to give that pickled liver a little rest? Or maybe at least cut back a bit?

Since finals are less than a month away, this is a perfect time to buckle down and actually get something done this semester, you damn slackers.

Here are five benefits of avoiding alcohol for the rest of the month.

Calm down, it’s good for you.

1 Finals

They’re less than a month away! Yes, that sucks. But it also means you’re almost finished with the year, so quit complaining. Drinking is a two-day activity (it’s not just fun in the evening). It makes for a morning after (afternoon, more like it) of sleeping until 2 p.m. and then sweating out booze on the couch all day with six delivery menus in hand. Be productive and study instead.

2 Belly

Yes, that beer belly is totally cute and cuddly. Just like a fuzzy-wuzzy Pooh Bear. Aw. Heed: There are 153 calories in a PBR. Granted, that doesn’t sound too bad, but after a half of a case on Saturday, you’re at 1836 calories — i.e. the average daily total consumption of calories. Plus, you know you already ate a four pieces of pizza and had Pop Tarts for breakfast. Give your body a health break.

3 Save face

You are the life of the party. Everybody has the best time when you’re flailing around drinking and making people laugh. However, you have done some really stupid things on the sauce. Nice try, yes you have. If you stop drinking for the month, that will probably save you 3.5 instances of making a complete fool of yourself. Wait until May, then you can double that number if need be.

4 Money

Maybe it’s mom and dad’s money. Maybe it’s your trust fund. Maybe it’s your significant other’s account. Whatever the case, drinking on a regular basis will put a dent in all aforementioned accounts. A hiatus from alcohol will free up some cash for those hot new sandals. Or at least an extra-large raging party after finals.

5 Zzzz

The docs tell us that drinking alcohol disrupts normal sleep patterns, resulting in increased fatigue and stress to the body. We all need our beauty sleep to avoid being a waste of space to society. Lay off the sauce for a bit and catch some good Zs. Don’t you already feel more productive? You make me proud.