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Leave the bike shorts on the bike.
Copyright Ben Blankenburg
Leave the bike shorts on the bike.

Fashion is all about making a statement, which often gives birth to fancy new trends.

But sometimes designers shoot way too far and wind up birthing a freak creature that needs to be shoved in a dingy Dumpster.

Sometimes those freak creatures find a home with “trendsetters,” but just like MC Hammer’s parachute pants, they won’t stick around for long.

Here are five current trends we are having a hard time giving props to.

1 Bike shorts

Flashbacks of 1987 with the black bike shorts with a pink stripe down the side are spotting my eyes. If you are a biker, yes, you can absolutely rock these bad boys. Summer fashion trends are pairing bike shorts under cutoff jean shorts, skirts and dresses. Maybe it’s just an extension (or contraction) of winter’s leggings, but this look is going to have to be captured just right in order to not pull off a cheesy version. Try lace with cutoff jean shorts. That we can (possibly) get behind.

2 Oversized bows

Minnie Mouse, is that you? Sure, bows are cute. Even the extra large ones are cute. But bows the size of an infant on the collar of a shirt? Not so cute. If you must wear one, do not wear it as a bowtie. Ladies, we are not Miss J (J. Alexander) of “America’s Next Top Model.” We are also not Bozo the Clown. Steer clear of the bowtie necklace accessory. I’m afraid this is going to be a large a miss in the trend department. If you must wear a large bow near the neck, get creative and wear it asymmetrically.

3 Boy shoes on girls

Don’t yell just yet! I’m not taunting all boy shoes — just the ones that appear to have been fished out of grandfather’s moth-ridden closet. No good. Saddle shoes, two-toned oxfords and even the fringed moccasins are all fine (well, I wouldn’t wear them, but I guess I’ll allow you to don them as flair). It’s the brogues that look downright nerdy — perhaps they have tassels, maybe perforations. They look kind of like the ones that homeless man on Broadway wears. Ditch them. Yes, we all like to be different, but this look is going Lady Gaga far.

4 Socks with skirts

Yes, hipsters, you pioneered the return of the geeky glasses. Note to said hipsters: Please do not try to forge the socks-paired-with-summer-dresses trend. The only time white socks should be worn with skirts is if there’s a poodle on it. When the look is topped off with loafers, oh dear… On top of all the negatives, this look shortens the legs drastically. It’s all about lengthening those gams, ladies!

5 Mixing prints

Designers for spring fashions said prints would be huge this spring and summer. Prints from florals to animal prints to geometric prints are all great. However, said designers are going bold and telling us to mix and match prints. A surf-inspired pair of leggings matched (well, not so much matched) with a geometric-printed top does not strike our fancy. When we first learned to dress, mom always said plaid and polka dots don’t mix. Let’s keep that rule for mixing all patterns. We don’t want to give bystanders a seizure from a wild outfit.

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