Lindsay Lohan will spend the next large handful of days sweating out oxycodone in the slammer for violating probation.
Sing all together now: She’ll be out in 23 days due to overcrowding. Bel canto, sopranos!
The funny thing is — besides everything — that her Spencer-Pratt-in-mom-jeans dad Michael spent the morning praying for his daughter.
Christy Fantz dishes the dirt daily on her Hollywood Headaches blog.
Wait. That came out wrong.
Michael’s attorney said he doesn’t believe his daughter should be incarcerated.
Uh. Michael? Wasn’t it you who lead that cop raid to her pad a couple of months ago?
“We love you, Lindsay!” daddy yelled as she was escorted out of court.
I wouldn’t say we love her, pops.
Oh, also, I just ran into 1998 in the alley and it said it wants its cell phone belt holster back.
Zsa Zsa breaks hip
Actress and socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor, 93, just underwent hip replacement surgery.
Dammit double Z, how many times did the doc tell you those hips can’t hold up all that makeup?
Oops, the poor woman actually fell and broke her hip. Fret not, she’s dandy now.
Her makeup, on the other hand, was prescribed methadone for severe withdrawals, as its owner will remain in the hospital for a brief stint.
Go Chelsea Handler!
Disclaimer: This post has no significance whatsoever. Hollywood Headaches was on vacation for a couple weeks. Her brain is still facedown in a beach bar bathroom.
Animal Planet host Dave Salmoni — Chelsea Handler’s new “rumored lover” — is hot.
It appears that an obnoxious lush who enjoys celebrity mockery is what strikes his fancy.
Hey Dave, we see your Chelsea and we raise you one hot Hollywood Headaches mess. When you get sick of Chelsea, HH will help you hide the Salmoni.
Oh dear. I’m still talking.
Hollywood Headaches’ serotonin just did glee-filled cartwheels.
Ice-T made the news Tuesday.
And? Nothing really. He was arrested for driving with a suspended license in New York. Whatever. Next.
The tangent I’m attempting is for the sole purpose of portraying a prepubescent boy. I realize I’m a child.
It’s my poor excuse to discuss his April Twitter squabble with Aimee Mann, who ridiculed his acting* skills, so he told her to “eat a hot bowl of dicks.”
Love it. Anyone? No?
Maybe Ice-T’s Twitter account and I should get a room.
*Acting? Acting. Hmm. I got nothing.
Paris travels heavy
Paris Hilton reportedly traveled to the World Cup with more than 13 pieces of luggage.
Well, come on people. Anal beads alone filled one of the bags while Valtrex filled another.
Give the girl some credit.