Your goblet is ready.
Your goblet is ready.

You`re out of the parents` summer care. Finally.

Now it`s time to tear this town up.

Um, we mean be a studious Buff and score a perfect grade point average.

Yes, in all actuality, you are going to party. You are going to act like a child. You are going to do some of the stupidest stuff you`ve ever done in your life.

It`s the definition of college student.

At least try to be a somewhat responsible student and perhaps don`t do the following five things at this weekend`s back-to-school parties.

1 Don`t have a bad grip on the keg

Doing keg stands is not an art form. You put your hands on the keg, suck on the hose and throw your feet in the air.

But here`s a tip: Make sure to have a good grip on the keg.

Your damn buddies always get all antsy in their pantsy and lift you near parallel to the wall. You can feel your feet inches away from the ceiling. A poor grip on that bad boy will send you face first into a barrel of metal.

2 Don`t pass out in the loo

We aren`t all rich trust-funders living in a college mansion with six bathrooms. Most of you have the standard one-to-two bathroom apartment.

When you`ve had too much to drink and you`re hugging the toilet, make sure to keep the door unlocked. We have no idea where the key is. When you lock yourself in there and pass out spooning porcelain, the 13-person line of pee-dancers waiting for the other bathroom is getting dangerously close to a pants disaster.

3 Don`t get all angsty

Mean drunks are so irritating. Why can`t everyone be like how the Hit List is on the sauce and speak in rainbows, laugh hysterically and hug strangers?

If you`re known to be a fighter while drinking, take it easy. At least for your friends` sake. The last thing we all need is a buzzkill. Calm the hell down.

4 Don`t hide the booze

Granted, you did spend a bit of money on all that booze, but you`re the one who invited everyone.

It is very tempting to start clearing out the fridge and the liquor cabinet when the keg starts floating, but the key is to plan ahead. Don`t be a jerk. Hide a bottle under your pillow before the party starts.

That way, when the keg spits drizzle and the apartment clears out, you and your roomies can have a nightcap or four.

5 No late night fertilizing

Yes, using the facilities outdoors is way more fun than that boring, sanitary toilet inside.

Well, if you`re going in the fenced-in backyard and hiding behind a tree, we`ll allow it. However, the front yard, the neighbor`s yard, the back alley and the living room are all places that should be off-limits to urination.

Indecent exposure! You`re scaring the neighbors!