What: Welcome Back Bash
When: 5 to 10 p.m. Thursday
Where: The Spot gym, 3240 Prairie Ave.
More info: thespotgym.com
Surely you’ve already figured out that all the cool kids go bouldering.
No? Still like climbing more than like 15 feet?
OK, so you’re not one of the pad people. Yet.
If you’ve never even tried it, check it out indoors at The Spot bouldering gym on Thursday night. You can climb (and eat burgers and drink Avery beer) for free during their Welcome Back Bash, from 5 to 10 p.m.
Still not sure? Check out these five reasons you should be all over bouldering:
1 It’s weird
Your mom doesn’t get bouldering. (“You’re doing what? Climbing small rocks? You wacky kids.”) It must be subversive and therefore cool if mom doesn’t get it. Like Jersey Shore. Or Facebook.
P.S., your mom’s on Facebook now. She wrote on your wall. It’s cute that you still sleep with your beary-pooh.
2 It’s hands-on
In other forms of climbing, when you’re not climbing, it’s boring. Belaying? Blergh.
In bouldering, when you’re not climbing, you’re spotting. Your hands are ready to grab your girlfriend’s (hawt!) roommate when she falls.
Any other time, you’d have some explaining to do. But while bouldering, the more she pitches off her project, the more you touchie.
3 It’s cheap
Other climbers have to buy many things. Like ropes. (Why would you want a rope when your roomie’s pervy boyfriend can catch you?)
Boulderers just need a pad, shoes and chalk bag.
Reminder: John Gill didn’t boulder with a crash pad (because they didn’t exist), so if you wanted to be old school (read: cheap), go bouldering sans pad. Tell people: “Gill didn’t need a pad.” Then send.
Only do this if you climb like John Gill.
Almost none of you do. Get a pad.
4 It’s pure
You know that bouldering is the purest form of climbing, right?
I’d say more, but it’s so pure, it’s self-explanatory, duh.
5 It’s photogenic
It’s easy to take top-down photos of your buddies. You get a bazillion chances, because they try a bazillion times.
They’re close — you don’t need a zoom lens.
Drop the camera? No biggie. It didn’t fall far. And it landed on pads. You’re set — as long as you don’t drop it in your bucket of chalk.
Seriously, do you really need a whole bucket of chalk? If your hands are sweating that much, what are you so nervous about?
Oh, right. Roommate’s pervy boyfriend.