Evan Agostini
Justin Bieber is creating a nail polish line. Oh dear.

Not cologne? Or deodorant?

Dude. Even guyliner or toilet paper* would suffice.

Justin Bieber is launching a line of nail polish.

He would.

The tween singer partnered with OPI and will feature nail colors named after his biggest hits.

Find them in December at Walmart, an aisle over from the Bieb-pons, which come in three absorbencies and are just between the Tampax and Kotex.

*Some of us wouldn’t be opposed to wiping our asses with your face…

Grating voice

Spelling words wrong deliberately.

Erroneous use of apostrophes.

A voice that sounds like a woman ate a nasal cavity and washed it down with a tube of sand.

These are a handful of Hollywood Headaches’ peeves.

Fran Drescher just rolled a deuce!

From the ’90s television series “The Nanny” (go back to sleep, you were in diapers), Drescher is slated for a daytime “The Fran Drescher Tawk Show” in November.

In an effort to avoid punching the computer in the flat face for allowing me to read “talk” spelled wrong, I’ll let it go. (Just don’t get me started on Denver’s Bicycle Werx.)

The show will reportedly cover all of her “passions,” such as pedicures and politics.

Actually, it will solely grate the ear canal of the soap opera collective. Praise self-poverty for my day job.

The show’s company is hoping to gain national syndication.

I say it takes a big, fat deuce.

Crazy Christian clowns!

Insane Clown Posse duo Joseph Bruce and Joseph Utsler have come out of the evangelical Christian closet after 21 years (and counting) of whatever it is they do.

Juggalos and Juggalettes, rise up! They fooled you!

“You have to interest them, gain their trust, talk to them and show you’re one of them,” Bruce said. “Then at the end you can tell them: God has helped me.”

Cheers on finding God.

Thank Him that He isn’t at all particular on nefarious antics.

Etheridge splits

Melissa Etheridge filed paperwork to dissolve her domestic partnership with Tammy Lynn Michaels.

Michaels is now blogging about a lack of sufficient support from the singer.

“When I went to get cash just last week (to eat) … not enough funds,” she wrote.

Hey! Have you heard about those neat things where humans arrive, labor then gain reimbursement? It’s neat.

I believe it’s called a “job.” (However, the “J” might be silent. Check with your local intellectual.)

That’s what normal people do.

Well, unless you’re a journalist. Then you rob to nourish.

We have livers to feed here.

Christy Fantz’s Hollywood Headaches runs ever Wednesday in the Colorado Daily.

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