Hollywood Headaches: ‘Glee’ drama grates the Lohans

Gwyneth Paltrow stirred up some controversy with jabs at Lindsay Lohan during a “Glee” guest appearance.

(By controversy, I mean Dina Lohan’s adult diaper got bunched in a messy wad.)

Paltrow played a Spanish substitute teacher in last week’s episode and mocked the troubled actress with Spanish questions to her class: “Lindsey Lohan is totally crazy, right?” and “How many times has Lindsay Lohan been to rehab?”

Mama Lohan had to loosen her grip on her Long Island “Mother of the Year” award for a second, return it to its vault (next to the blank prescription pads and pictures of her daughters snorting Oxycodone off male strippers’ asses) to hop on her pulpit and preach paradox.

Dina told a gossip Web site that her lawyers are sending a letter to “Glee” stating that the show “allegedly defamed” her daughter.

(The only thing that defamed your daughter was your spawning uterus about 24 years ago.)

“Lindsay has an issue that millions of people around the world are dealing with, yet ‘Glee’ is treating addiction as a laughing matter,” Lindsay’s reps said.

I’ll give you a laughing matter. Check out your client’s bank account. And her creditor-crammed speed dial.

Plus, Lindsay makes a public mockery of her addictions on a constant basis. See here: “Saturday Night Live,” FunnyorDie.com, MTV’s Video Music Awards.

You’ve got no case against “Glee,” sugar.

No. Calm down. I am not holding. Sugar is a term of endearment.

Jeez. Can’t take that bitch anywhere.

Speaking of ‘Glee’

Since “Glee” has taken every sitcom by the taint and spanked them silly, “Grey’s Anatomy” is latching on for sweeps’ sake.

The medical drama is slated to produce a musical episode.

Ahem. That sentence makes me want to punch an alphabet. (ABC network. No? Crickets?)

This idea is as clever as superimposing “Requiem for a Dream” with “The Sound of Music.”

Praise a sour attitude Katherine Heigl is facedown in conceit. Otherwise I’d have to smash my tele.

Right. Like I’d watch that show.

No pity for T.I.

Rapper T.I., who is currently serving an 11-month sentence in jail for violating his probation, said in a recent rant that he is sick of his delinquent life, spanning 15 years.

“I’m certainly sick and motherfucking tired of going to jail, juvie, prison, the pen, correctional facilities or whatever else you want to call it,” he wrote on his website.

Well, dear, let me tell you a ripping good yarn. It’s called STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!

Christy Fantz’s Hollywood Headaches runs every Wednesday in the Colorado Daily.