It’s National Meat Month.
And why not? That’s not weird or anything …
Let’s go with it.
After prepping my knee-sock wardrobe for a nice red glow from PETA spray paint and hate mail from you damn Boulder veggies (nice try, I saw you put cream in your coffee), we’re going to talk about meat.
And you know what? We’re going to eat said meat. And love it.
So Boulder, put that earthy cuisine on pause. It’s National Meat Month. We’ll give sprouts some love in February. (Speak for yourself).
Here are five spots to get some juicy meat.
1 Boulder Cork
3295 30th St., Boulder
Sure, you’re poor, but sugar poppas and cougar mommas are aplenty to “date” for a few free meals. Have that silver fox/foxette take you to the Cork for a nice slab of meat. Sirloin, filets, strips, ribs, lamb chops and prime rib should satiate your money-grubbing tummy.
Hours: Monday-Friday 11 a.m.-2 p.m., 5:30 p.m.-10 p.m.; Saturday-Sunday 5:30 p.m.-9:30 p.m., 9:30 p.m.-10 p.m.
Info: bouldercork.com, 303-443-9505
2 Rodizio Grill
1801 Wynkoop St., Denver
This Brazilian steakhouse will impregnate your belly with a succulent meat baby. Brazilian gauchos circle the restaurant with meat on a stick, carved tableside (delicious rotisserie-grilled meat on skewers, that is). Beware: The meat cue is present for a damn good reason. Don’t forget to flip it from green to red to take a break, those gauchos are relentless. It’s awesome.
Hours: Monday-Thursday 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Friday-Saturday 11 a.m.-11 p.m.; Sunday noon-9 p.m.
Info: rodiziogrill.com, 303-294-9277
3 Tee & Cakes
1932 14th St., Boulder
Meat at a cupcake shop? Why not. This quaint shop downtown Boulder bakes its “World Famous Bacon Cupcake.” Gross? Not at all. The maple-flavored cupcake is smeared with chocolate ganache and topped with smoked bacon. Note: Bacon goes with everything. I’m right. Try it. Your tummy will do cartwheels. This famous cupcake was even featured on the Food Network. Neat.
Info: teeandcakes.com, 720-406-7548
4 Columbine Steak House and Lounge
300 Federal Blvd., Denver
This place looks like a hungover and discarded biker bar with a picture of a steak and a martini above its marquee. Interesting. There’s nothing about class here, but this steakhouse has some super sizzling steaks. Order at the counter, pay at the register and seat yourself. Who needs class when you’ve got a hot piece of meat? I sure don’t.
Info: Like this joint has a Web site, 303-936-9110
5 Buckhorn Exchange
1000 Osage St., Denver
It’s Colorado. We eat weird shit like bear, rattlesnake and bison marrow bones. Oh right, and deep-fried bull nuts. (We would eat testicles.) The Buckhorn Exchange has all that crazy stuff: alligator tail, buffalo sausage, game hen, quail, elk, you get the picture. Heed: If you are a whack job like yours truly and have a phobia of taxidermy, abort mission. You will have a panic attack.
Hours: Monday-Thursday 11 a.m.-9 p.m.; Friday 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Saturday-Sunday 5 p.m.-10 p.m.
Info: buckhornexchange.com, 303-534-9505