Blake Lively
Frank Ockenfels
Blake Lively

More Headaches

Christy Fantz dishes the dirt daily on her Hollywood Headaches blog, at . named Blake Lively as Hollywood’s “most desirable” woman, due to her “unusual amount of dignity and composure.”

We’ll concur. She’s a hot piece of ass.

Plus, box wine and “Gossip Girl” make that dirty whore, Monday, look like Tuesday. Add a splash of medical marijuana and now we’re humping. (Wednesday, perverts.)

Mila Kunis took second, Sofia Vergara third, Selita Ebanks fourth and Miranda Kerr fifth.

Hollywood Headaches is perplexed at the Pete Wentz-deficient list.*

The poor guy even got his nuts waxed in anticipation.

Kutcher and Moore booed

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were booed on the red carpet at a Brazil fashion show.

Perhaps it’s because the (once) hailed actress is co-starring in a film with Miley Cyrus. Or maybe because said film is titled “LOL.” (Damn demise of grammar.)

Actually, the couple showed up three hours late to the show.

Better late than pregnant. Kutcher had to clean out his wife’s bedpan.

Cork it, Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow told Harper’s Bazaar “people are so mean” to her.

Um. You’re a narcissistic bitch.

The lifestyle “expert” said people make fun of her newsletter, Goop, but she doesn’t care – she’s going to keep it up.

Praise conceit. I often have a bad case of the “inner aspects.”

(“Nourish the inner aspect” was a tagline of Goop.)


Bale is nuts

Christian Bale told Us magazine that if he weren’t an actor, he’d “probably go nuts.”

Heavens to Betsy! (I said that.)

Bale’s wrath paints a splendid picture in my right brain: Bob Ross is perched on a multi-colored beanbag listening to Yanni on low. Hanging on his easel is a canvas with dozens of Bale heads atop winged mini piglets and fuzzy puppies.

Oh, you’re an actor. Don’t go nuts.

Too late. In 2008, he got arrested for allegedly assaulting his mom and sis and had the infamous F-infused tirade on the set of “Terminator Salvation.”

I’m afraid you got your nuts covered, sweet lad.

Sober coach my ass

Sources have told Access Hollywood that Charlie Sheen is at home with a sober coach.

I have a “sober coach” too. It’s called white wine. The hangover’s better and it’s good for the heart. That’s what my box of cigarettes told me.

But look, how handy – Sheen’s sober coach also doubles as a hooker and blow delivery service.