Ukuleles: Cute little chordophone instruments that hula dashboard figures strum.
But you knew that. (Right.)
The petite stringed instruments rival guitars because they can travel in your satchel and come out to play when their fancy is struck. Or plucked?
Swallow Hill Music Association will celebrate all things uke with the fourth annual Denver Ukefest this weekend.
Hawaii’s famed ukulele master, Led Kaapana, kicks off the festival with a performance Friday at 8 p.m. at Daniels Hall at Swallow Hill Music, 71 East Yale Ave., Denver.
Saturday is filled with workshops, jams, strum-alongs, a film screening, open stage and a collective concert featuring Kina Grannis, Aldrine Guerrero, Leftover Cuties, Danielle Ate the Sandwich, Chris McGarry and The Insomniacs, The Ooks of Hazzard and The Denver Uke Community. Boulder Acoustic Society will perform as the house back-up band.
Saturday events are at the L2 Arts & Culture Center, 1477 Columbine St., Denver, and vendors will be available.
Get uked up before the fest and watch the Heavy Metal Uke Jam at Wynkoop Brewery, 1634 18th St., Denver, tonight at 7.
Info: Kick-off party tonight at 7 at Wynkoop Brewery; Free. Friday 8 p.m. concert in Daniels Hall at Swallow Hill Music. Saturday events begin at 10 a.m. at L2 Arts & Culture Center. Visit denverukefest.org for full schedule. Tickets $25-$125.
Pirates. Robots. Betty White. Ugly Christmas sweaters. Green Bay Packers.
Swiftly, now. The bandwagon is taking off. Hop on. (You can catch it — one horse is stoned.)
Oh dear. A mustache just plopped in the backseat. Hurry up!
Lip fuzz is all the rage. It even has its own vending machine in bowling allies.
Fame is due. Historical strides have been made.
Vesta Dipping Grill, 1822 Blake St., Denver, is hosting the 7th Annual Mustache Festival Saturday night, with 10 percent of the fondue restaurant’s sales benefiting Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Don’t have a mustache? (Ladies? Well, most ladies.) Vesta will provide faux ‘stashes for the barren lipped.
Info: Saturday at 5 p.m.; 303-296-1970; No cover. Reservations encouraged.
Super Bowl Sunday
A typical Saturday night consists of crashing a random house on the Hill, draining the keg and urinating in the front yard. (A little late-night fertilizing.)
Don’t do this in Denver. You’ll get arrested. (Unless it’s my house. Back off my freezer. The Kentucky Deluxe wears a chastity belt.)
Instead of crashing a Super Bowl party, head to LoDo’s Bar and Grill , 1946 Market St., Denver, to party.
The college-bar atmosphere is littered with more than 50 big TVs. At night, it turns all Dance Party USA. It’s your bag. You can have custody. But the dives are mine.
There’s a huge rooftop patio overlooking Coors Field and a build-your-own Bloody Mary bar on weekends.
Sunday’s drink specials include $2 beer and shots. What flavor? Please. Since when did you become a booze connoisseur? Just open the hatch.
The Green Bay Packers play the Pittsburgh Steelers at 4:30 p.m.
Info: Sunday 11 a.m.-1:30 a.m.; 303-293-8555; No cover.