My incessant trou droppage (i.e., lifting my skirt) post-cocktails has become routine.
(It’s because I have the best tattoo on my ass: A heart that reads “Christy.” I’ve mentioned this before, but you were facedown in a pitcher of Long Islands.)
Friday should be my holiday.
Denver Fun Times and the Denver Flash Mob are declaring Friday “No Pants Day” by hosting a No Pants Party at The Ginn Mill, 2041 Larimer St., Denver.
(But keep your panties on, you could get an indecent exposure pop.)
Chicago, Las Vegas and New York have hosted this day for years and for the first time, Denver is going pantsless.
There will be drink specials for the pants-free, a Connect Four tournament and free drinks for best costumes. The event will also take dress pant donations for Denver Works — a charity to help job seekers.
Heed: Spare the BX passengers. Check your pants at the door for two bucks.
Info: Friday at 9 p.m.; DenverNoPants.com; Free (but the pants check is $2 per item).
Two minutes in mint heaven
No not at all.
More like stupid oversized hats, mint drinks that taste like syrupy ass and two minutes of steed slapping.
Kentucky Derby time.
This damn race will forever remind me of Kim Kardashian-esque celebrities trying to out-hat the competition.
(They’re like those broads one row up at a college football game chatting about their Brazilians. It’s not a knitting circle, ladies.)
In the thoroughbred race’s 137th year, Lodo’s Bar and Grille, 1946 Market St., Denver, is hosting a Kentucky Derby Party.
Dust off that Easter hat you looked ridiculous in two weekends ago and go pound some Mint Juleps. (Then wash it down with some whiskey and PBR like a good alcoholic.)
Jockeys: Treat your horsey buddies well or I’ll stuff you into Pick-a-Fame-Whore’s hat.
Info: Saturday from noon-5 p.m.; 303-293-8555; Free.
Cerveza, margarita, frijoles
This weekend, I am going to nail my ass to my front porch with a 30 pack of PBR and watch Latinos cruise my neighborhood streets with their festive bass pumping and flags decorating their rides.
I would invite you, but you’re too boisterous for my taste.
But, you should check out Denver’s Cinco de Mayo Festival and Parade Saturday at Civic Center Park. (Rumor told me that Colorado has one of the ten largest Latino populations in the country. Neat.)
There will be a parade, three stages of music, vendors and undoubtedly authentic, super-duper food.
Info: Saturday at 10 a.m.; cincodemayodenver.com; Free.