With the fam here for your graduation, you’re bound to be asked what’s next.

You know what’s next — a glamorous dirtbag lifestyle of climbing, mountain biking, skiing, kayaking and infrequent showers, all lived out of the back of your old truck. And occasionally your parents’ basement.

Your parents could be slightly upset that this is how you’ve chosen to use your rather expensive degree. So start practicing some of these five tips for defending your future as a dirtbag:

There are no jobs

Tell the ‘rents that you’ve been forced into becoming a dirtbag paddler because of the economy. There are simply no jobs for bright college graduates like you.

Tell them you’ve been looking. Tell them you used every resource at CU to tweak your resume and clean up scandalous Facebook pictures. Tell them it’s all Ben Bernanke’s fault, but only partly, because if Alan Greenspan had managed things well before him, it wouldn’t be so bad now.

(You don’t need to know whether this is true. You just need to say this so it looks like you’re trying hard and didn’t sleep through Econ.)

It’s life experience

When your dad says you need a job, remind him that when he wanted you to do that internship, he stressed the importance of gaining real world experience.

What’s more real than pulling over your Eurovan so you can pee behind a bush?

“That’s real , Dad. It’ll build character .”

Character. So much character that you won’t blink about calling him to bail you out when, tweaked out on four Red Bulls, you drive your Eurovan off the road on the way to the last day of the season at A-Basin.

Real .

You’re saving money

Since you can’t find a job, you’ve decided to go climb in Yosemite for the summer to save money.

It’s simple — you don’t want to spend what you don’t have. It’s just the right thing to do for a jobless but budget-conscious graduate.

Aw, you’re so responsible! So proud. Is that a tear in Mom’s eye?

Except you needed a new rope, portaledge, sleeping bag and some other gear, which you put on your Visa, at an interest rate of 22 percent.

Also on your Visa: Zeke, your doggie, needed a puppy pedicure.

Stiletto Red is so his color!

You’re living the dream

Give your folks a passionate doing-what-you-love speech.

You didn’t minor in theater for nothing.

Puppy-dog eyes help. Double down by enlisting Zeke — with that pedi, he’s irresistible.

You’re irresponsible

Just be honest. You don’t want a job. You worked your ass off for four (six?) years at CU, and you think you deserve a break now.

Besides, you couldn’t hold down a job if you could get one. You’re irresponsible and silly. You got Zeke a fancy pedi, and he’s a boy dog.

It builds character .

blog comments powered by Disqus