Despite my greatly resembling actor-comedian Zach Galifiankis — in fact causing one stumblingly drunk gal to call out to me as “Alan” every time I passed her at Catacombs the other night — there’s no way I can be as funny as he, so I won’t even try.
Vagina! Just kidding. (Get it? Please?)
What you will get is the fact that Galifiankis’ “The Hangover Part II” hits theaters today and though it looks like a ham-fisted attempt at rebooting the fluke success of its predecessor (we’re talking a flick from the maker of “Road Trip,” people), here are five things we do like about him:
1 ‘Between Two Ferns’
Nobody really gives a damn about the Funny or Die web series or whatever it is. You probably haven’t even heard of it until now. But, of all the drek that they spew out onto the Net, Galifiankis’ send-up of public access interviews has got to be the only thing that matters and makes for some of the funniest shit on YouTube, too. Watch as Galifiankis stone-facedly insults everyone from Bruce Willis to Steve Carrell with a dry wit that can’t be beat (except for the episode in which Galifiankis gets beaten up by interviewee Bradley Cooper).
2 Admits to shitty work
I can’t stand “artists” who pretend that money doesn’t matter. The only people who don’t care about money are those who’ve never had to worry about it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Even Karl Marx had to pay for his beer.” Well, as subversive as he is, Galifiankis has bills to pay, too, and like everyone else who doesn’t have a trust fund, has to sometimes sublimate his talent to crap whose paychecks will allow him to go back to making good stuff. At least he can admit it, and usually does so in the loudest, funniest ways.
3 Fiona Apple is hotter than you
Oh, I do love my crazy, pocket-sized Fiona. Nonbelievers, just listen to the original bootleg version of “Extraordinary Machine,” and then we’ll talk. Speaking of, check out the twee chanteuse’s marvelously DIY video for song “Not About Love,” starring (and choreographed by) Galifiankis. Apple may be nuttier than a pecan pie (I love it!), but she also knows true talent when she sees it. Or sleeps in bed with it…
4 Doesn’t go by middle name
M. Night Shyamalan isn’t just the worst director on the scene. He’s also pretentious enough to go by his annoyingly cloy middle name. “Night”? Go fuck yourself, dickfor. Guess what Galifiankis’ middle name is? That’s right. “Knight.” We love you, Zach for your tactful taste as much as for your ability to not suck like your homonym namesake.
5 Is actually a great stand-up
Admittedly, now that he’s… bigger than Jesus (?), we sometimes forget Galifiankis’ humble beginnings. “Live at the Purple Onion” and his stint in “Comedians of Comedy” may not be his best stuff, but go back a little further to his 2001 Comedy Central special and see what we’re talking about, camel toe and all.