Summer vacay, yay! Wasn’t backpacking in southeast Asia (or couchsurfing in Virginia) mega?!?

Except when that monkey stole your iPhone. In Virginia.

No, it was awesome until you came home to tackle a jet-lagged shift at a sub shop, or your job at the Colorado Daily, or whatever.

Jet lag.

You can barely even remember Angkor Wat, Va., now. And you can no longer tell the difference between cheddar and Swiss, or passive and active voice, or good or bad monkeys.

(Or good and bad ideas. Mega jet lagged here. No idea what I’m typing. Something about monkeys.)

If this happens to you, try one of these tips for dealing with jet lag after you arrive back home:

Be active

Travel blogs written by people who travel a lot, but have no medical credentials say exercise can help combat jet lag.

The Centers for Disease Control (which has medical credentials — plus they sounded smart when I read “The Hot Zone”) says stuff about this that will make a jet-lagged brain explode, like:

“Exercise might also exert a weaker effect on the body clock than other zeitgebers.”

Zeitgeber? Is that an eye booger acquired while sleeping on an airplane?

Be active, but be careful. Don’t do anything that requires full faculties, like rock climbing, or putting trip photos on Facebook when you need to weed out embarrassing shots of you mimicking monkeys.

Fall down

The CDC includes “poor performance in both physical and mental tasks during the new daytime” in their list of jet-lag symptoms.

Theory: If you’re literally falling down on the sandwiches job, your boss might send you home — because if you can’t stay on your feet in your laggicious dopeyness, you’re bound to lose a finger in the deli slicer.

However, I fell on the steps and my boss didn’t send me home.

I did write this, though. What has two thumbs and won this round?

Not the deli slicer. (Thumbs. Crickets?)

Distract yourself

Those travel bloggers (who know a lot about zeitgebers) also say to distract yourself from jet lag rather than focusing on it.

This is the same trick you employed to ignore turbulence on the plane, which made you (me) pretty certain you were about to get beverage service from the grim reaper.

Grim: Tea or coffee? Duty-free plane crash?

Travel tip: You can buy off Grim with your MasterCard. It’s in the duty-free catalog. Next to the zeitgeber nasal spray.

Sorry, I got distracted. Point is, quit thinking about jet lag.

Enjoy it

When I went for my afternoon anti-jet lag caffeine treatment, my barista offered:

“Enjoy your Monday.”

“I’m too jet lagged to enjoy,” I confessed.

“Well, enjoy your jet lag,” he replied.

Indeed, good Buddha who serves my cure with a side of wisdom.

Zeitgeber!

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