Y ay, your big event is almost here! You’ve been dreaming of that long weekend of backpacking in the San Juan Mountains for months!
Unfortunately, daydreaming about your mega-trek during your physics lecture doesn’t get you physically ready for the trek.
Crapballs.
It’s OK. You’re young. You have your health. Sort of. Some of your organs are a little smoked and pickled from other extracurricular “activities.” But try some of these tips for fooling yourself into thinking you’re in good enough shape to do it, anyway:
Do math
So you told your buddy who doesn’t really climb that you’d take him up Lone Eagle Peak, via the Stettner Route, over Labor Day weekend.
Whatevah. It’s just right over there in the Indian Peaks. It’s only like an eight-mile hike to the base of the climb, and then like 10 or 11 pitches to the summit.
Sounds ominous, but you added it up, and you’re set. You went to the Boulder Rock Club the other night and climbed four pitches (more than two hours). Plus, you walked like a quarter of a mile to get there. So you just have to do that 30-something times, plus climb about five times that much (gym pitches are short) to make it up Lone Eagle.
Easy peasy, just like when you took that dare to eat 2011 M&Ms to bring in ’11 — and won, bam!
Have amnesia
Woohoo, you’re doing the Buffalo Bicycle Classic again! (This year’s is Sept. 11.) Remember two years ago when you tried to ride the 100 miler in the Buff Classic, and you felt like you were going to vomit out your spleen at the first aid station? And then you did actually vomit something that resembled spleen?
Fugghedaboudit.
Block all memories of previous fails in athletic endeavors. Especially that time the coach made you be the catcher and the umpire caught all of the balls for you and you never played ball sports again.
Um. Wasn’t gonna tell anyone about that…
Train this week
Most fitness experts would agree that last-minute training is the best for dares that involve thousands of candy-coated chocolates.
But for your backpacking trip over numerous passes in the San Juans this weekend, training this week might be pointless, physically speaking.
Mentally, though, some hikes this week could give you a boost in confidence.
Especially if you manage not to vomit something spleen-like on the way to Royal Arch in the Flatirons on Thursday.
Last time this happened, you felt great after you puked.
Fugghedaboudit.
