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E very time I hear “Night at the Museum” I think of that stuffed wooly mammoth.

Taxidermy = extreme phobia. Add tusks, antlers or horns and I’ll have a panic attack with a side of wet pants.

Anyway, Denver’s version of Night At The Museums is less dreadful.

Saturday, from 5-10 p.m., more than a dozen museums in Denver are free — including the big boys like Denver Art Museum, the Botanic Gardens, the Museum of Nature & Science and the Denver Firefighters Museums (um. OK? We’ll take it?).

This is a once-a-year deal, so get on it.

Info: Saturday 5-10 p.m.; More than a dozen museums; denver.org.

VJ! VJ?

So, remember Simon Rex from the early ’90s?

He was that bro-tastic MTV VJ.

VJ, you ask? Video Jockey. Remember when MTV used to play videos? And said VJs would introduce the videos, act a fool and such?

Eh, what are you gonna do.

Well anyway, his name is now Dirt Nasty, and he turned white-boy rapper and pumped out three albums. He collaborated with Mickey Avalon for the ever-classy “My Dick,” (I bet) and he also teamed up with LMFAO on “I Can’t Dance.”

Word is, Mr. Simon Dirt Nasty Rex has similar style to those kinda kids. I don’t know. The only white-boy rapper I listen to is Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

Or Brian Austin Green, of course.

(Pre-MTV days, Rex also starred in some solo masturbation films. “Young, Hard & Solo II.” Quite the résumé.)

Thursday night at 8, Mr. Nasty will be tearing up Cassleman’s, 2620 Walnut St., Denver, pretty-white-boy styleeeee.

If you’ve never heard of him, he can be pretty to look at … in a “he’s 37” kinda way. (Please, like Helen Mirren and John Slattery don’t slide into your dirt-nasty fantasies.)

The venue will also have free beer or vodka to the first 500 people in. The early bird gets cirrhosis.

Info: Thursday at 8 p.m.; 720-242-8923; casselmans.com; $10-$15.

Bargains ahoy

Time for a new snowboard? The old one needs a little Sex Wax?

Oh, that’s for surfboards. Clearly, I’m not a golfer.*

The 20th Annual Colorado Ski & Snowboard Expo takes place Friday-Sunday at the Colorado Convention Center, 700 14th St., Denver. There will be winter stuff at big discounts (up to 75 percent off), ski deals, season pass deals, blah, blah, beer, blah.

Beer?

This year, the Rocky Mountain Brew Fest hopped on board to join the gear party. Breckenridge Brewery, Boulder Beer, Bristol Brewing, Left Hand Brewing, Odell Brewing and Oskar Blues will be at the Convention Center serving up boozy goods. Tickets for the Brew Fest are separate, but are cheaper when purchased as a combo. Kinda like your parents.

Info: Friday noon-10 p.m.; Saturday 10 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sunday 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; 303-228-8000; onthesnow.com; Exhibit Hall F of the Convention Center; $12-$32.

*”The Big Lebowski.” No? You’re fired.

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