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J WOWW, from “Jersey Shore” said she was “treated like a criminal” during a TSA pat down in North Dakota.

She said a TSA officer was pointing at her while she was getting coffee at the airport.

(What a rabid asshole.)

Ms. WOWW, don’t flatter yourself. He thought you were a hooker. Or a Kardashian.

Chelsea Clinton on NBC

Un Colorado minuto: how long I’ve been trying to get famous.

(Kinda like a New York minute, but littered with Audis and “Coexist” stickers.)

I’ll get there the old-fashioned way. BJs and HJs. (Blackjack and high jumps, perverts.)

However, here is one jackpot I’ll never hit: Grandfathered into fame.

Chelsea Clinton just got hired by NBC News. She knows people who know people, who play under-the-desk BJ with people. (Blackjack, laymen.)

Of course, Chelsea is schooled, learned and hard-working — but shit — she’s no Redmond O’Neal.

Yeah, yeah

Kat Von D Facebook(ed) that Jesse James cheated on her.

“Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year.”

Heavens to Jesse. Those saggy nads must have some sorta fungal yeast-fection.

“I deserve a big fat ‘I told you so,’ from everyone.”

I told you so. From everyone.

The power of Pitt

Brad Pitt thinks happiness is overrated.

Aw is little Bradley in the pits?

Well, the word “overrated” is overrated, Brad.

“I think sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you’re not. There’s too much pressure to be happy,” Pitt said.

What a vat of poetic prose. It’s neat because sometimes I’m also happy and sometimes I’m not. Bizarre.

As Mr. Pitt is the incumbent paradigm of my life’s guidance, I flushed my crazy pills.

Stern on the tube?

Rumors that Howard Stern may take Piers Morgan’s slot as a judge on “America’s Got Talent” have been proved false by Stern.

“Everyone knows I love ‘America’s Got Talent.’ I think it’s the greatest and I would be certainly honored …” he said on his radio show.

The greatest. Greatest. Oh dear. Let’s celebrate with Soy Nog and fruitcake.

Magazine spawn

Did you hear National Enquirer slept with TV Guide?

The jackasses didn’t use protection and now the Enquirer is with child.

Baby “Reality Weekly” is due in January.

Seriously. Said new rag magazine will give us reality TV content for only $1.79 an issue, touting “Less money/More fun!”

Fuckers stole my tagline.

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