Joel Ryan
Television personality Snooki arrives at the MTV European Music Awards 2011, in Belfast, Northern Ireland Sunday, Nov. 6, 2011. (AP Photo/Joel Ryan)

U pon Google perusal to see what flavor ink freshly decorates Snooki’s upper arm, I needed to be held. After embracing the Dancing Aliens at Denver’s Performing Arts Complex, I washed my eyes out with habañero seeds.

Multiple reasons, really.

“Snooki tattoo” image search returned: a dude with “Snooki” tattooed inside a clumsy outline of New Jersey; a full-bodied Snooki embedded in flowers on someone’s something; a Snooki portrait topped with that dreadful pompadour on (what appeared to be) someone’s upper thigh.

Then there was Snooki’s tattoo.

Neat, unicorn vomit. A crown, leopard-print stars, pink, other stupid shit and a bow.

That broad could be cute if she, um, was cute.

Those Allen genes

Woody Allen and Mia Farrow’s son, Ronan, has been named one of the prestigious Rhodes Scholars.

That jerk was GRANDFATHERED. Ugh.

Actually, quite the opposite. The over-achieving little shit started college as a child, graduated from undergrad at 15, finished Yale Law School at 17 and did some other braggy shit.

Thanks for making us look like assholes.

Just don’t follow in Papa Woody’s footsteps: Don’t bang your daughter.*

Unless, of course, you’re keen on that whole stepsister-turned-stepmom deal.

*Layhomies not in the know: Allen married Farrow’s adopted daughter — Ronan’s stepsister. We live in a society, Woody. Come on.

He said/she said bullshit

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher didn’t last.

Everything’s going to hell in manbag.

Ashton one-night stand(ed) Sara Leal. Who? “San Diego Party Girl” we’re told. Asher Roth with tits, I guess.

When Demi married that child six years ago, he was 26. She was 43.

Plastic saved that taut face, but the generational gap usually busts the bond.

A source told Us that Moore “just couldn’t look at Ashton the same way and the marriage… completely unraveled. She still loves Ashton but feels he went too far and disrespected her and their marriage in a way that can’t be taken back.”

These are the days of our lives.

Oh and sidenote: We don’t care.

What’s in a name?

I’ve never watched any of “The Real Housewives.”

I’m not better than you, I’m just too poor for cable.

Anyway, just a quick take on this bitch’s name I just came across: Lisa VanderPump. Ha. VanderPump.

I’m definitely less mature than you.

blog comments powered by Disqus