As a devoted student of the internet and the creepy-crawly culture that inhabits it, I watch with great interest as new memes emerge from its tumultuous sea. Most memes, however, don’t break through to the mainstream. For every successful meme, such as lolcats or Rickrolling, there are hundreds of other mini-trends that flame out quickly before normal people notice. One new meme is proving to have remarkable staying power, since it can be adapted for nearly any scenario.

I’m talking about the “Shit Girls Say” meme. What began as a viral video starring a man in drag lampooning young women and the wonderful things they tend to say (such as “Could you do me a huge favor?” and “I know, right?”), quickly became a template for web video auteurs to try their hand at the concept, substituting “girls” with a noun of their choosing.

I’ve seen “Shit Mommybloggers Say,” “Shit New Yorkers Say” and plenty of others. So it was with a big, goofy smile that I greeted the arrival of “Shit Boulder Says.”

No, no one has produced an actual video (yet), but the hashtag #shitbouldersays crept into use among Boulder’s Twitter population and has yielded some very interesting insights into local culture. I have reproduced a few of my favorites below in an effort to explain them if they’re unclear. This is the shit Boulder says:

“Want to go to Denver?” “Nah, it’s too far.” — @stiricide

Leaving Boulder is a terrifying idea. And when you consider that Denver is literally thousands of miles away, it’s probably best that we never leave, right? Right.

“Do you care about the birth control rights of gay whales? Can you spare a moment to chat?” — @elaineellis

If you’ve visited Pearl Street Mall during the day, you’ve heard the clipboard commandos at work. If you’ve got a moment, chat with them. If you don’t have a moment, make a whale sound and swim away.

“Have you been to Snooze yet? There is ALWAYS a wait.” — @clareyt

Arguably Boulder’s most popular new breakfast/brunch spot, Snooze will test your endurance and resistance to cold as you wait forever outside. The pancakes are yummy, though.

“Did you hear about my funding?” “We’re in stealth mode.” “They ran out of funding.” “Pivot!” — @yoavlurie

We have lots of startups in town. Those startups are always up to something interesting and are eager to tell you about it. The lingo may take you a while to understand, but just know that if you smell a startup, free pizza can’t be far behind.

“Do these feather extensions make my Uggs look weird?” — @FreyDrew

I don’t even know what this means, but I presume it’s related to the fact that 1,253 bird species are considered threatened with extinction. This represents 12.5 percent of the total of 9,920 extant bird species in the world. Not cool, bro.

“Who’s camping out with me at 29th Street for the [minor Apple product upgrade]?” — @inderwies

This is the only sort of camping I’ll engage in.

There’s a lot to learn about Boulder if you’re new to town. The #shitbouldersays hashtag is one of many educational tools designed to help you acclimate to your surroundings. I’m just sorry it’s so crude. The internet has very poor manners.

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