THIS WEEKEND IN DENVER: Doggie mash-up flick and a singles summit

I ‘m that weird bitch who coos at your doggie.

I’m that weird bitch who talks to your doggie when we pass in walking.

I’m that weird bitch who takes a picture of every American Eskimo and sends it to my gentleman lover because my late pup was an Eskie.

I’m that weird bitch who sounds like a bumbling idiot every GD time I see a picture of a doggie. (The best guys are the goofy looking ones. Aw.)

Doggiewoggiez! Poochiewoochiez!

Um. What?

Saturday night at 7:30, Denver FilmCenter, 2510 E. Colfax Ave., Denver, the video editors at Everything Is Terrible! scavenged through random VHS footage, thrift store tapes, old commercials and classic movies to bring us an hour-long mash-up of, well, doggiewoggies! And poochiewoochiez!

(Dogs, for the laymen.*)

And since you’re on east Colfax, hit up Atomic Cowboy, 3237 E. Colfax Ave., Denver, for a pizza and beer. Fat Sully’s pizza served there is oh so damn good.

Info: Saturday at 7:30 p.m.; denverfilm.org; $10-$12;

*Name that movie line. Fine. “Dumb & Dumber.” Come on chums, it’s a classic.

Stupid February

When I was single, I hated the piss out of February: Love is in the air, chocolates and roses, hearts everywhere. Bloody Valentine’s Day.

Silver lining: Any holiday offers an excuse to get shithoused. Hey! Today is Groundhog Day! Score.

Join some lonely and horny folk on Saturday for the 7th Annual Rocky Mountain Singles Summit.

The party is at (Sports Authority Field blah, blah, at) Mile High, 1701 Bryant St., Denver. There will be more than 800 singles there, plus some Broncos alumni and cheerleaders.

There will be a Bid For A Broncochill out, ladies, I’m guessing it won’t be Tebow — dude/chick auctions and just an all-around dancing sweet time.

Info: Saturday 5 p.m.-11 p.m.; 720-258-3000; rockymtnsingles.com; $25-$30

Beat this

Neal Cassady would have been 86 on Feb. 8.

I got him an airplane bottle of Stranahan’s, what did you get him?

Mercury Café, 2199 California St., Denver, will be celebrating on Friday night at 8 with a Neal Cassady Birthday Bash.

The Beat poet, who spent much time in the Denver area, will receive a posthumous diploma from Denver’s East High School, so the Mercury will celebrate in the evening with music, joined by faculty from Naropa University’s Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poetics, toasting Cassady. Represent, Boulder.

Info: Friday 8 p.m.-10 p.m.; facebook.com/events/206315476117860.

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