Boulder, in many of its residents’ eyes, is a healthy, democratic paradise. Visitors may agree as they meander their way through the streets lined by “cute” little houses or look west to the picturesque Rocky Mountains. But some of us know that Boulder is, in fact, not the perfect paradise it is made out to be. Perhaps it would be if it had one more thing, something that any decent town must include: for Boulder to truly meet its full potential we must have a respectable donut shop.
But I am not talking about just any old Dunkin Donuts or a Krispy Kreme that you can find on most street corners in the East. What we need is a locally owned, delicious donut shop. (If you don’t know what I mean by this, you should immediately book your flight to Seattle, where local donut shops flourish.) What are we so afraid of? Why have we been so sure to put down and keep down any young minds that may stray out of line and into the industry of pleasure food? We are afraid because adults don’t like change, and, like any town, Boulder is full of them. You may ask: “Then what is the solution to the problem? Because adults will always be around in significant numbers.” Well, this is where you come in. If you are young, outgoing, and in support of change, the fate, taste and welfare of Boulder’s future is in your hands. You can make that change that no one else seems to want, you can make the donut shop we have all been waiting for. You can change Boulder as a whole. With a donut shop in our midst, the people of Boulder will be nicer and happier. With one donut shop you could impact the history of Boulder for centuries to come.
Many Boulderites might argue against such a proposal. They may say that the presence of a donut shop will, heaven forbid, add another 200 calories to their daily log. They may argue that a donut shop is just going to make the United States that much fatter. So I have decided to speak in a tongue that Boulderites can understand perfectly. I say “nothing another hour of exercise won’t fix.”